242. You’re Not An Onion - You’re A Force Of Nature
242. You’re Not An Onion - You’re A Force Of Nature
One of the most disempowering frameworks for healing and transformation is the idea that growth works like peeling an onion.
You’ve probably heard some version of this before: healing happens in layers, and every time an old wound or struggle comes back, it just means there’s another layer to peel. While that may sound comforting on the surface, it can create a sneaky kind of frustration, especially for growth-oriented, high-performing women.
Because if healing is just layer after layer after layer, eventually you start wondering: When do I get to be done?
When do I finally reach the center?
When do I stop revisiting the same struggle?
That’s exactly why this metaphor falls apart.
The Problem With the Onion Theory of Healing
The onion theory implies there is some final version of you waiting at the center. A core. A completed healed self. A final boss defeated. Game over. Transformation complete.
But that’s not how real growth works.
And honestly? Even if it did work that way, many ambitious, creative, growth-oriented women would hate it. Because the journey of becoming is part of what makes life meaningful. Growth is not a punishment. Expansion is not evidence that something is wrong with you. For many women, being alive means moving, creating, evolving, stretching, refining, becoming.
The onion metaphor can make recurring challenges feel exhausting. It can create shame when something old resurfaces. It can make you think, I thought I already worked through this. Why am I back here again?
That’s the wrong question.
You Are Not an Onion. You Are a Force of Nature.
A far better metaphor is this:
You are a force of nature.
More specifically, your growth may look a lot more like an upward spiral than a straight line.
In the episode, Kayla shares a metaphor inspired by a conversation inside Quantum Evolution Academy: instead of picturing healing as peeling an onion, picture it as a tornado.
Why a tornado?
Because tornadoes spiral.
They revisit the same region.
They are powerful, cyclical, transformative, and upward moving.
That changes everything.
The Upward Spiral Theory of Change
When a tornado circles back, it does not mean it failed. It means it is moving the way spirals move.
This is such an important reframe for women navigating recurring struggles with food, body image, consistency, visibility, people pleasing, burnout, or self-sabotage.
If you return to an old lesson, an old wound, or an old habit pattern, that does not automatically mean you are back at square one.
It may mean:
You are revisiting the lesson with more awareness
You now have more capacity to see what you missed before
You are meeting the same region with more power and precision
This is not regression, but amplification
That perspective removes so much unnecessary shame.
Instead of saying, I’m failing again, you get to say:
I am returning to this lesson with more wisdom, more depth, and more velocity.
Why This Matters for Food Freedom
This reframe becomes especially powerful when applied to eating habits, weight regain, and body image struggles.
So many women have had the experience of making progress, feeling strong, getting results, and then watching old patterns creep back in during a stressful season, a life transition, or a period of misalignment.
From the onion perspective, that can feel devastating.
From the upward spiral perspective, it becomes information.
It becomes an opportunity to ask:
What am I seeing now that I couldn’t see before?
What is this season revealing about my deeper needs?
What kind of mastery is being forged here?
In this episode, Kayla shares her own reflection on recent weight regain and why she’s deeply grateful for it, not because it was comfortable, but because it sharpened her work, deepened her modality, and exposed patterns she could now address at a much more sophisticated level.
The Difference Between Performing Regulation and Actually Feeling Safe
One of the most important insights in this conversation is the distinction between true nervous system care and performing regulation from a high-pressure place.
You can meditate, journal, do somatic work, or practice Dance Alchemy, but if you are secretly doing those things to force your body to change, earn results, or fix yourself faster, the body still feels pressure.
That means the practice may look regulating on paper while still feeling like war internally.
This is a huge insight for high-performing women who unknowingly bring pressure, perfectionism, and performance energy into their wellness practices. The problem is not always the habit itself. Sometimes the problem is the energy underneath it.
When healing practices are driven by urgency, desperation, or self-rejection, they stop feeling nourishing. They become another battlefield.
That is why intention matters.
Weight Regain, Visibility, and the Messy Middle
Another powerful thread in this episode is the relationship between body changes and visibility.
In the past, Kayla describes hiding when she gained weight. Waiting until she got “back down” before showing up again. Delaying visibility until she felt acceptable, disciplined, or polished enough.
This time, she chose something different.
Instead of disappearing, she kept showing up. She committed to posting workout clips publicly as part of her 100 Days to Slay challenge, even when she felt uncomfortable, bloated, or not at her goal.
That matters because visibility itself became part of the healing.
Rather than making worthiness contingent on body size, she began teaching her body a new reality: I am still worthy of being seen here. Now. In process.
That kind of messy-middle visibility is not weakness. It is courage. And for many women, it may be one of the most healing things they can practice.
Sometimes the Setback Is Also a Stop Sign
One of the strongest ideas in the episode is that a setback may also be pointing toward misalignment.
Not always total misalignment. Not necessarily a sign you’re in the wrong life. But sometimes a sign that something about the way you are doing things is no longer sustainable or true.
In this case, the struggle was not proof that business itself was wrong. It was evidence that the way business was being approached needed to change.
The deeper insight?
Trying to build an extroverted, trend-driven, high-call, hyper-visible business model was creating friction with a more introverted, writing-rich, teaching-centered vision.
That’s not failure. That’s refinement.
Without the spiral, the misalignment might have gone unnoticed.
Why Coaches and Guides Often Revisit the Very Thing They Teach
This episode also touches on a truth that many coaches, healers, and leaders need to hear:
Struggling with the thing you teach does not automatically make you a fraud. Sometimes it is part of your initiation into deeper mastery.
Kayla references wisdom from her friend Shemi around how guides are often pressure-tested in the exact arena they are here to lead others through. Not to disqualify them, but to deepen their discernment, compassion, and precision.
That is exactly what happened here.
The spiral sharpened the modality. It revealed where version one of the work held up beautifully and where it cracked under the weight of transition, pressure, and expansion. That deeper testing created something more robust, more nuanced, and more able to support women through real life, not just ideal conditions.
A Better Question to Ask
So the next time you hit an old struggle, don’t ask:
Why am I here again?
Ask:
What am I mastering this time that I couldn’t see before?
That question changes the emotional climate immediately. It moves you out of shame and into self-trust. It reminds you that growth is not invalidated by repetition. Sometimes repetition is the mechanism of mastery.
You are not peeling backward.
You are spiraling upward.
Final Reminder
You are not an onion.
You are not broken.
You are not behind.
You are a force of nature.
And forces of nature do not apologize for revisiting the terrain they are here to transform.
Embodied Activation
Journal on a recent or current setback in your life.
Write about:
Where you’ve been interpreting it as failure or regression
What this season may actually be teaching you more deeply
How you are returning to this lesson with more wisdom, awareness, and power than before
What mastery is being strengthened in you right now
How this spiral may be serving your next level rather than blocking it
Then finish with this reminder:
I am not broken. I am a force of nature returning with more power.
Links Mentioned:
Referenced Episode 240: The Hidden Reason High-Performing Women Struggle With Food Freedom
Referenced Episode 137: Why I’m Grateful for the Weight I Gained Back
Transcript:
Welcome back Embodied Writing Warrior. We are dismantling the old outdated onion theory of change, and we are reclaiming power on a much deeper level. This is gonna change how you view setbacks in the most inspiring, empowering way possible. And the more empowering your ins, your perspective, the better your life gets Because you think differently.
You feel differently, and then you're gonna move with more confidence and certainty. So that is what you can expect from this week's episode, and this was inspired by a conversation inside my Quantum Evolution Academy container. So huge shout out to Jenna and the women in the cohort. I will drop a link if you want to check out this program because, oh my goodness, 10 out of 10 would recommend.
In this episode, we are covering. Why you're not an onion, but a force of nature. How to view any setback in an entirely new way that eliminates shame, frustration, and that sense of, why am I back here again? I thought I was past this. Finally, I'm also going to give you a case study as I bring you into my own reframe around my recent weight regain, and why I am deeply grateful for it, especially when viewed through this new lens.
Now, you might have heard the onion theory before, especially if you've seen trick. There's this idea that we all have layers like an onion, and we keep peeling them away until we're done. There's this implication that there is this final core to the onion once you go through all the layers, but here's why this doesn't land, especially for growth oriented, high performing women.
First, even if you were to get to this imaginary final layer that doesn't really exist, here's what would happen. You would get bored if you eliminated all the layers and got to the core of you, your highest self. You'd be done growth over final level unlocked. Do you know how boring that would be for someone who's growth oriented?
For someone who feels her best when she's setting ambitious goals, taking aligned action, and making consistent progress? You don't want to be an onion because deep down the journey of growth is half the fun. You know this on days where you're most alive, most inspired, even though on the hard days, sometimes it can feel like, okay, but can't we just be done and get there?
Especially if it's something you come back to over and over again. I think every single person out there has their thing. Now, this could be a relationship problem. This could be a challenge with people pleasing or shrinking to make others comfortable. And if you're listening to this podcast, it could very well be recurring struggles with eating and consistency.
The onion theory creates this sense of exasperation about peeling back another layer, because when you believe in this theory of transformation, maybe you secretly hope that the last level you unlocked was the final boss. But when it isn't, the frustration returns. The hopelessness of what if. This is always my thing.
It can create these unrealistic standards where you believe maybe one day you'll be perfectly healed, never have another struggle, and everything will be perfect. But what if you were never meant to be an onion? You are not some watery vegetable that makes people's eyes water. You, my friend, are a force of nature.
In Quantum Evolution Academy, we talked about the upward spiral theory versus the onion theory. That's what has inspired this episode, and when I think upward spiral, I think tornado, which is definitely a force of nature, and also the perfect metaphor for what growth and transformation really look like.
Here's the thing about tornadoes. They do not move in a straight line. They spiral. They're gonna touch down in the same region multiple times. And just knowing this eliminates the expectation that progress needs to be linear for it to count. It helps release the shame that can creep in when you go back to the same region multiple times.
Because you understand this is how it's supposed to work. Tornadoes are destructive and creative. With an onion, you're just peeling. You are getting rid of what doesn't serve. Tornadoes have this same power to destroy where you are eliminating the outdated beliefs, the unwanted patterns, shedding those old identities you took on to make other people around you comfortable.
And also with that destruction comes space to create what you truly want. Tornadoes are powerful. And also they move upward while spiraling. When the tornado circles back, it's not because it failed to move forward, it's because this is how spirals actually work. When you think of moments in your journey where you felt like maybe you backslid or returned to old habits or lost some of the progress you'd gained.
What if it was never regression, but amplification? You take so much shame out of the equation when you reframe it as I was never broken. I am a force of nature returning to this lesson with more velocity, with more wisdom, and with more power. So if you've been listening for a while, you know that I love journaling with my masculine archetypes, Rex and Haven.
If you want to learn more embodied writing warrior.com/divine daddies, you'll get the entire origin story, and honestly, you'll never see food freedom or parts work the same ever again. When I shared this metaphor with Haven, he immediately saw why it fit. And this is what he had to say. I think what makes this so powerful is that tornadoes are number one unstoppable and.
You can't control them, which is the perfect callback to episode 240. Side note, yes, my boys listen to all my podcasts and share their thoughts. He's referring to last week's episode about releasing control to take your food freedom to the next level. Number two, tornadoes are cyclical. They spiral and return and revisit.
They are number three, transformative. They change everything they touch. Number four, they are upward moving. So even when circling back, they're also rising. They're also natural. They're not broken or wrong. They are a force. And all of that applies to healing, to growth, to the journey that your women are on.
So there's your divine daddy words of wisdom for the day. Now I'm going to share one of the most powerful places to apply this perspective to eating habits and weight. This is the one I've become most familiar with over the years, and it's also the one many of my clients come to me with as well. I think this is a common story for women everywhere.
They change their habits. They go on a deep trans transformative journey. Maybe they train for a race or get fit for an event, and then life happens. Maybe big transitions occur, which can cause stress to increase, so life starts to demand more capacity from you. And suddenly those old habits start to creep back in.
Maybe you lose some of the progress you've made, whether that's with your body composition, your fitness level, or a combination of both. You spiral back to a place you'd touch down on before maybe multiple times in the past. With this tornado perspective, you get to stop making yourself wrong for this, you honor your own cyclical path because nature is cyclical and each time you spiral back to the same place you once were, you are not back at square one.
You're not behind, you're actually returning to the same place with more wisdom, more depth, and more presence, because all the work you've done before is still with you. Now you're ready to go deeper. And speaking of spirals, I wanted to share what this narrative reframe looks like in practice with a real world example.
So back in September of 2023, I did an episode called Why I'm Grateful for the Weight I Gained Back, how to Extract Deeper meaning and growth from Setbacks. I will link that in the description for you. Even then, I understood that progress isn't always linear. I found the lessons back then just as I'm doing now.
There are a few key differences between now and then. 2023, Kayla quit her business because it felt like too much. She went back to her full-time job and she waited until she'd lost every single pound she'd gained before creating that podcast episode. Posting in the messy middle. 2023, Kayla would never, there was this huge fear of seeming weak or unprofessional or opening herself up to judgment for not being perfect.
2026. Kayla realizes that sharing from the messy middle from a place of this is what I'm learning and how I'm alchemizing in real time is far more braver and honestly more helpful than sharing from the mountaintop. Also 2026. Kayla has this conviction that 2023, Kayla did not have 2026. Kayla backs her vision and trusts her purpose so deeply that she's willing to share throughout the process.
So 2023, Kayla, she had some lessons. I'll review them and then reflect on the new lessons I'm learning and how this current spiral is serving my deeper growth. And as I do this, I want you to think about a place where you feel like you've gone backwards.
Maybe old patterns have crept in. Maybe you sometimes compare yourself to where you used to be and wish you could go back there. What if you stopped seeing this as a backwards movement and started seeing it as this upward spiral? So I shared in my 2023 episode. I went through a period where I was going weeks on end where I wasn't overindulging, and I was back to eating in a way that had always produced results in the past, and all of the sudden I was eating in a way that had given me energy and results in the past only to see nothing shift.
The scale didn't move, my energy didn't improve. My performance in workouts didn't get better. And this experience of getting no results and making no progress, when you're working hard and being disciplined, that only creates more stress, which causes your body to resist transformation even more. This made me acknowledge how deeply important it is to not only manage stress, but to create a life where stress is naturally minimized as much as possible so peace can become the default state.
That was 2023. Me, as I reflect on this both in this episode as well as last week's episode. I would also add a few more things that I've learned more deeply in this new season. The big one is this. If you try to regulate your nervous system from a pressurized, disembodied place, you are not reducing stress.
You are performing regulation while staying internally at war. So in that 2023 spiral I learned stress management is very important for physical fitness, energy, and a body transformation. If that's a goal you have in my 2026 upward Spiral, I've also realized stress management and nervous system regulation from a place of demanding a certain result from your body.
Have the opposite effect. They do not release stress. They actually build it in these sneaky, subtle ways, and then you can start to resent the practices because they're not working. 'cause of course they're not. You're doing them from a high stress, high pressure place. I've learned that the intention matters and now I'm on this journey to let go of.
The weight loss pressure, the performance pressure, and come back to the, why am I simply doing my practices, whether it's dance, alchemy, meditation, somatic work, because I'm trying to get a result, or am I doing it from a place of presence and care and cooperation with my body? I have had to learn this so deeply and it's now something that I have the power to create these resources for and these guides around inside Food Freedom Fantasy because I know I am not the only high performing women.
Who is putting intense expectations on her healthy habits or her spiritual practices, which is then unconsciously creating that additional stress in the body and then getting frustrated about it not working Then. Maybe one of the biggest things this recent spiral has helped me with is helping me stop making my visibility contingent on my size and weight, because in the past I would hide when I hit a certain number on the scale.
I would wait until I was back down until I'd gotten things under control. . This is one of the key places I struggled with internalized diet, culture mentality, and also some internalized , patriarchal garbage, and I hated it. I wanted to change that narrative and what better opportunity to change the narrative than practice being visible on a consistent basis after you have put back on weight, even on the days where you're bloated and feeling uncomfortable in your body.
So this is why I have been showing up doing this 100 days to slay challenge over on Instagram, where I post a short clip of me working out every day. And this has not been easy, but it's also helped me grow so much, and it's also helped me train my body to know that it's enough and it's worthy of being seen in any moment.
Numbers completely aside, I honestly think this is something every woman would benefit from doing. Uncomfortable, yes, but wildly healing and trans transformative. And I also think that this was necessary because I know I have something that's gonna change people's lives. And nobody's gonna know that Food Freedom Fantasy exists unless I break free from the toxic conditional relationship I previously had with visibility.
And speaking of food freedom fantasy. I am so grateful for this opportunity to touch down on this old familiar spot because it has given me a chance to pressure test my own modality and really integrate the work like nothing else ever has. Back in my 2023 episode, I shared this wisdom from my friend Shemi.
She talks about how it's normal and really an initiation for coaches and guides to struggle with the very thing they teach as they bring their work into the world. Not because they're frauds or imposters, but because the struggle deepens their mastery. This might be the biggest reason why I'm grateful for my wheat recent weight regained.
I knew I had experienced success beyond anything I'd ever experienced before using Food Freedom Fantasy version one. We're talking two months, not a single binge. Half marathon personal best. I'd been chasing for 13 years and for the first time, consistency felt easy and fun and pleasurable. No white knuckling required.
And part of me knew when it came time to build the business that was going to pressure test this modality like nothing else ever would, and it has. And this has happened not only for my highest good, but for the highest good of every woman who has gone through this program and every woman who will go through this program in the future.
This spiral has made me go deeper and find the reasons why this approach works in the seasons that are business as usual, but then it starts to crack in seasons of transition and upheaval. And now I have created something that can serve women, not only when their life is going well and everything is routine, but also when they're being called into a new season and their next level.
This season of weight regain has given food freedom, fantasy, more depth, sharper teeth. And more staying power regardless of someone's current season. If this episode is helping you realize, wow, okay. My struggle was never about food. It's been about my relationship to setbacks and how I view things. I made something for you, so I have a free gift and it's Know Your Hungers, a complete assessment kit that breaks down the.
Five biggest blocks that hold high performing women back from Food Freedom. So you'll get two assessments, a results map, and a customized audio care package based on your results. So you can find that@embodiedwritingwarrior.com slash gift or check out the link in the description. The final thing I wanted to touch on that I learned in 2023 was this.
Weight regain, or really any big setback can actually be a big stop sign for the direction your life is heading. One of the big things that Mark David talked about in the Eating Psychology certification was about how most people who keep weight off after losing it. Do so after a big life change, whether that's a divorce, a new job, maybe a move across the country, something that's created a deeper level of alignment, and if big life changes have the power to help someone lose weight and keep it off, which only happens 10 to 20% of the time on average.
Then wouldn't it also be true that experiencing changes in health weight or eating habits might also point to misalignment? Now, it might not be the entire situation. It might be part of the approach. It might be pressure and desperation attached to success. It might be limiting beliefs. Perhaps you don't think that you can be in that situation, whether that is a new relationship, a new job building a business, and also get to keep your health and vitality.
2023. Kayla created that episode from a place of, oh, I guess I'm just not meant to have a business. I want a quiet, simple life building doors instead. Now she was full of it, bless her heart, but she operated from what she knew. Then three years later, I've realized it's not the business itself. That was the stop sign.
It was the ways I attached my validation to success, and it was also trying to become an extroverted trend following social media person. When that's like. The opposite of me. It was also about almost building a business with a ton of zoom calls, live masterclasses and one-on-one clients. When deep down the business I want is one that's going to free up more of my time to create and teach and write books.
An introverted business, if you will, and also a more accessible business where I can help more people. And I might've kept barreling towards this misaligned business model, if not for this recent setback, which was never really a setback at all. So the next time you find yourself in a familiar struggle, please do not ask, why am I here again?
Instead ask, what am I mastering this time that I couldn't see before? So you embodied activation this week is to journal on a recent or current setback. And I want you to write down all the ways you are deepening your learning, strengthening mastery, and how you're inevitably going to come out the other side better for it because you've chosen this new perspective.
You are not an onion. You are a force of nature and forces of nature. Don't apologize for their power or pretend it doesn't exist. I am wishing you a embodied powerful rest of your week. Take care.
