237. How Language Shapes Identity, Habits & Nervous System Safety ft. Lisa Manzo
237. How Language Shapes Identity, Habits & Nervous System Safety ft. Lisa Manzo
The Power of Language, Emotional Intelligence, and Inner Child Healing
Many of us are trying to change our lives with willpower alone. We want better habits, healthier relationships, more peace, and more emotional freedom. But what if the key isn’t trying harder, but speaking differently?
In this episode of the Embodied Writing Warrior Podcast, Kayla is joined by trauma-informed mindset coach Lisa Manzo to explore how language, emotional intelligence, and inner child healing work together to create real, lasting change.
Language Is Programming, Whether You Like It or Not
Lisa introduces the core concept behind NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming: your brain responds to the language you use, especially the language you repeat.
“I am” statements are particularly powerful because the subconscious mind accepts them as identity-level truths. When someone repeatedly says “I am tired,” “I am bad at this,” or “I am always behind,” their nervous system begins organizing around that reality.
The subconscious mind is always listening, even when we’re joking.
Emotional Intelligence Creates Space Instead of Reactivity
Emotional intelligence, Lisa explains, is the ability to pause instead of react. When emotions run high, the thinking brain goes offline, and the nervous system shifts into survival mode.
By learning to pause, even briefly, you regain access to clarity, choice, and regulation. This skill alone can radically change communication in relationships, work, and personal boundaries.
Calm, as Lisa notes, is a form of power.
Inner Child Healing Changes the Adult Experience
Much of our emotional reactivity is rooted in early experiences, particularly between the ages of zero and seven. When a child doesn’t feel safe, heard, or believed, those patterns often carry forward into adulthood.
Inner child work allows you to revisit those moments symbolically, offering the support, safety, and reassurance that may have been missing. When the inner child heals, the adult nervous system softens.
This is not about reliving the past. It’s about reclaiming safety in the present.
Kindness, Humor, and Self-Trust
One of the most beautiful themes in this conversation is the role of kindness toward oneself. Lisa shares how learning to laugh at mistakes, ask clarifying questions, and release perfectionism brought lightness and peace back into her life.
Self-trust grows when self-punishment ends.
A Practical Reframe You Can Use Today
Lisa closes the episode with a powerful NLP reminder: the subconscious mind does not process negatives. When you say “I don’t want to do this,” your brain only hears the action itself.
Reframing toward what you do want creates clarity, safety, and forward momentum, especially around habits, emotional eating, and self-regulation.
This episode is an invitation to listen to your language, honor your emotions, and treat yourself with the same intelligence and compassion you offer everyone else.
Links Mentioned
Transcript
Kayla:
Hello, Lisa, and welcome to the Embodied Writing Warrior Podcast.
Lisa:
Oh, thank you so much, Kayla. I'm excited to be here.
Kayla:
I'm excited to have you here. I know we are going to have a powerful conversation because you do a lot of really powerful work around emotional intelligence. You're a trauma-informed mindset coach, which is so important. And you have your own podcast as well, so you have so much magic going on. I would love if you shared how you got into doing the work you do today.
Lisa:
I was very unhappy about eight or nine years ago—around 2017. I decided that my life hadn't changed just because I wanted to be happy. So I made a decision that it was going to happen.
And magically, when you decide things, doors start opening.
I learned about NLP, which is Neuro-Linguistic Programming. That helped me understand how my mind worked, why I was having the thoughts I was having, why I was in such a negative mindset, and how to shift out of it.
That was life-changing.
Because I had been so depressed, unhappy, angry, and resentful for so many years, I wanted to help other people through it. There is another side. Some people can do it on their own, and some people need help. I needed help, so I figured there are other people out there who need help too.
It’s very hard to do it alone because we have so many blind spots. We can end up circling the drain of our own patterns. So it’s helpful to get outside support.
Kayla:
Right. I can see your stuff crystal clear, yet I cannot see my own. So I actually call my friends and say, “Hey, this is what's going on. What am I not seeing?”
Lisa:
That’s a powerful practice to have, especially if you have friends who are willing to be honest and tell you the full truth.
Kayla:
Yes. Most of them are willing to be honest. Some like to sugarcoat it, and I’m not a sugarcoat person. You have to be direct, because if you allude to the answer, I’ll probably miss it.
Directness absolutely matters.
Why do you think some people can heal themselves on their own, while others really benefit from a coach or support system?
Lisa:
I think it depends on whether you've had an example of someone before you doing it—someone in your circle who has moved past trauma.
If you’re the only one in your circle trying to move past it, you probably need help.
If you’ve witnessed someone do it, you can ask them, “What did you do?” They’ll tell you, and you go do it. It feels like magic. That’s basically what a coach is—someone who went through what you did and shows you the way through.
If you’re lucky enough to have a friend who did it, you can just learn from them.
Kayla:
Very true. So if you’re the first one in your friendship group doing the thing, you’ll probably become the example going forward.
Lisa:
Most likely.
On NLP & Language
Kayla:
Let’s talk more about NLP. For people who aren’t familiar, can you explain what it is and why language matters so much?
Lisa:
NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
Neuro refers to the brain. Linguistic refers to language. It’s using language to program your brain.
Anytime you say an “I am” statement, you are programming your unconscious mind. And remember, your unconscious mind is always listening.
People used to tell me, “You’re always tired.” And I was always saying, “I’m always tired.”
So I stopped saying that. I started saying, “I have great energy today.”
Yes, I also had a medical issue contributing to my fatigue, but fixing the medical issue and changing my programming worked together.
Kayla:
“I am” statements are so powerful for reprogramming the subconscious.
I knew someone years ago who always answered, “I’m so tired.” And you had to wonder if part of it was just the repetition.
Lisa:
Exactly. And you also have to watch “you are” statements. That’s someone else programming you.
If someone says, “You are ___,” you can respond internally with, “That doesn’t apply to me. That’s not who I am.”
Don’t accept programming from others.
On Emotional Intelligence
Kayla:
You also work deeply with emotional intelligence. Can you talk about how that helps heal trauma?
Lisa:
When you understand your emotions, you can stay calm.
The calm person has the upper hand in any conversation or argument.
Emotional intelligence teaches you to pause instead of react. I count to five in my head before responding. Or I say, “Let me get back to you.”
There’s no law saying you have to answer immediately.
When you’re emotional, you lose connection between your prefrontal cortex and your amygdala. You’re in survival mode. You’re not thinking clearly.
Pausing reconnects you to your thinking brain.
After my divorce, I decided I didn’t want to argue in relationships anymore. If we had a disagreement, I would say, “After I’m mad, we can talk about it.” I needed time to write everything out so I could express myself clearly.
That pause helped me move forward.
On Inner Child Healing
Kayla:
You also do inner child work. Why is that so important?
Lisa:
Between ages zero and seven, your experiences frame your life.
I never felt safe as a child. So as an adult, I was always searching for safety—and not always making good choices.
I was told my feelings were wrong. So I learned not to trust my intuition.
Inner child work lets you go back and ask: What would have helped me then? A hug? Someone standing up for me? A guardian angel?
Your brain can’t tell time. It can’t tell imagination from reality. That’s why we cry at movies.
When you heal that younger version of yourself, you heal the adult.
On Self-Kindness
Lisa:
I used to be my worst critic. I was told everything had to be perfect. If I did something wrong, I was berated.
I developed deep self-hatred.
When someone introduced me to self-love in my 50s, I didn’t even know what that meant.
But I started. And that changed everything.
Now I laugh at myself. I’m joyful. I’m at peace—even when things go wrong.
Embodied Challenge
Kayla:
What’s an embodied challenge you’d like listeners to try?
Lisa:
The unconscious mind does not process negatives.
If you tell a child, “Don’t run in the house,” they hear “Run in the house.”
If you tell yourself, “I don’t want to do this,” your brain hears, “I want to do this.”
So instead, tell yourself what you do want.
Rephrase it in the positive.
Kayla:
This is huge in food freedom. If you say, “I don’t want to binge eat,” your brain hears “binge eat.”
Instead ask: What habit do I want when I feel emotional? What do I want to turn to in the evening?
That shift is powerful.
Where to Find Lisa
Kayla:
Where can people find you?
Lisa:
Facebook is great—my profile is public.
You can visit thephoenixmind.com or lisamanzo.us.
Just message me and I’ll get back to you.
Kayla:
Thank you again for being here.
Lisa:
Thank you. Bye.
