187. Healing Through Horror: How Michelle Found Catharsis & Community in Writing
Writing Saved My Life: How Michelle Recreated Herself Through Coffee, Horror & Storytelling
What if writing could save your life?
That’s the powerful truth Michelle—author, podcaster, and creator of Coffee-Fueled Stories—shares in this week’s episode of the Embodied Writing Warrior Podcast.
Once known as the Coffee Fitness Unicorn, Michelle has walked through widowhood, self-publishing struggles, and the vulnerable process of rebranding herself. Through it all, one constant remained: writing. Writing became her sword, her tool, her medicine, and her way back to joy.
Michelle’s journey reminds us that:
You don’t need suffering to be a writer.
Horror can be a surprising path to healing and catharsis.
Reflection and rewriting can breathe new life into old work.
Feedback, when received with openness, can transform your craft.
Daily rituals (like her coffee-centered five senses meditation) bring presence and joy into the creative process.
The Five Senses Writing Challenge
Michelle shares her favorite practice—a five senses meditation with her morning coffee. Try it today with your favorite drink:
👁 Sight – Look at your cup. Notice the color, the steam, the details.
👂 Sound – Listen to the brewing, the pouring, or the gentle clink of your mug.
👃 Smell – Breathe in deeply. Let the aroma wake up your creativity.
🤲 Touch – Feel the warmth and weight of the cup in your hands.
👅 Taste – Take a slow sip. Savor the richness. Let joy land in your body.
This practice grounds you in presence, opens your senses, and connects you back to the small pleasures that fuel great writing.
Why Horror Heals
Michelle also reminds us that horror is more than gore and jump scares. It’s a space for catharsis—for writing wrongs, reclaiming power, and creating justice when the real world offers none. Horror, like writing itself, offers both release and transformation.
Her work, her rebranding, and her podcast Coffee-Fueled Stories prove that writing isn’t just about putting words on a page. It’s about rewriting your life, one chapter at a time.
So whether you’re sipping coffee, journaling through grief, or crafting your next great story, let this episode remind you: writing just might save your life too.
Links
Transcript
Kayla: Michelle, welcome to the Embodied Writing Warrior Podcast. Hello. Thank you for having me. This is awesome. Thank you for returning. So you were on the show way back when it was Slay and Thrive and we were just talking before we went live, that you are the person Yes. To have back because Embodied you are the coffee fitness unicorn.
So fitness. You have a book coming out. You're a writer and you have a podcast that is all about writing and warrior. You have been through some stuff and you are definitely a warrior, so I'm excited to have you
Michelle: back. Thank you for having me. This is really cool. Uh, when, when we first, uh, talked, um, so coffee, fitness unicorn was, um, that was something that I embodied.
I went through some stuff and so I recreated myself and I came up with this name. Um, I even had a little unicorn holding a cup of coffee and a microphone. Like I really am, I really embraced that, um, that concept. And that, I think it, I had to create that, I had to recreate myself as that to then be able to recreate myself and rebrand myself now as coffee fueled stories.
Um, I don't wanna say it was a, a juvenile, like I was, it was more of kind of like, um, going from freshman to sophomore to junior to senior year. So it was like stepping, learning how to read. Create myself, rebrand myself. And then my first book, I put it out there, I was self-published and it was just this mishmash punk rock version.
And now I have a publisher. We recreated, we did the cover. Hopefully this will, I know it kind of fades out a little bit because I have my fake background. So, but we, we did a whole nude redesign and then they also wanted me to do reflections because. A lot has changed since going through all of that stuff.
And now we wanted to have a more, a refreshed approach, um, to show how far I've come since all of that. And so this book has, and I've been getting really good feedback. People are really happy with the reflection. So it's the same book. But it's not, we have some new stuff added in there, the cover, the back cover.
Um, so my publisher did, they, they did a great job. I, I really love the cover art and I love what they did at the back. And I, I love how they changed the format too. I just had everything chronologically and it didn't tell the best story. Um, for a second go around. The first time it did this time, they're like, no, we're gonna move things around.
We're gonna add some stuff and we're gonna, we're gonna tell, we're gonna tell the same story. But di different and better, and I just love what they came up with.
Kayla: Okay. I need to talk about this entire process because it is so magical the way you're taking views, the writing process to recreate yourself.
Like there is so much magic there, especially when you take one work. And then you're able to come back to that work with your fresh perspective and tell the same story, but tell it in a very evolved way. So what was one of the things that most surprised you about that process?
Michelle: Um, I was afraid that it would sound the same.
Um, my fear was that the reflections weren't going to add anything to the story. I'm so glad I was wrong. I'm so glad that I, I. I, I was a little doubtful of it. I was, I was excited to do it. I was like, oh, sweet, okay, cool. Reflection. And then I was like, well, what if it, what if it doesn't seem as evolved as it should?
What if it doesn't? What if my writing, what if I'm not? A good enough writer, like, what if, what if I needed to go through pain to, to be a better writer? Like, I'm not, you know, I'm not in the same state. I'm not. IDI have so many things have happened since then. So I had all of these self doubts and major, you know, quest.
Like I was questioning myself, questioning my writing, questioning in the process. Um, but I just decided to trust in them and trust in me. And my words and my process, and I, like I said, I'm very happy to be wrong. I was so happy to be wrong. I'm so glad we did what we did and that it turned out the way that it did.
Kayla: I love one thing you just pinpointed, and that's this idea that you have to suffer to write. Well, I think that's a limiting belief about writers. Like I told someone I was a writer once. Um, they were like, okay, well are you gay or depressed because all writers are gay or depressed? And I was like, well, I'm part of the community.
And at the time I was a little depressed. Now I'm like still part of the community, but definitely not depressed. And I think my writing is still just fine. So can you speak to that limiting belief of like, all good writing has to come through pain. Yes,
Michelle: because, um, the other misnomer is that all writers are alcoholics.
I don't drink alcohol. I am not like I, there's a reason I don't drink alcohol, and that's because my mom drank herself to death. So I am the opposite. So alcohol. I don't like it. Give me all the coffee in the world and I'm happy. So my vice is coffee. Um, so, um, you know, in order to drink alcohol to write doesn't work for me.
Um, uh, you know, all writers are alcoholics, doesn't work for me. So I don't fit into that mold either at all. Um, and you know, Ernest, Ernest Hemingway, like he, you know, great, great writer. I just can't relate to 'em because I, I didn't drink, you know, I don't find, uh, whiskey and cigars part of my writing process.
I have water and I have coffee. That works for me. Yeah. So to your point, um, you don't have to suffer, but it's a good way to start the process. If you are going through something, um, you know, tap into that sadness, write about that sadness. Um. You can start with that, but it's not the
Kayla: only reason to write.
Absolutely, yes. I believe that writing can be such a powerful tool for healing and transmuting those emotions, which is pro why everyone probably thinks writers are depressed 'cause they're used to move through their sad, their sad, they're sad areas where. But like you said, you don't have to necessarily always write from that pain.
You can write from the growth, the expansion, and it sounds like that's so much of what you've done with this second iteration of your books.
Michelle: Yes. Um, I think what really helps is coffee is like my favorite thing to write about. So coffee, so my blogs started about coffee and then, so this is going way back, this is before the book.
So when I first started writing, as, you know, considering myself a writer, blogging, um, and it was just very personal and it was about. Coffee and it was about what I was experiencing and it was how coffee helped me get through what I was experiencing. And so I just kind of started building on that and building on that and building on that.
And then that's how it turned into the book it, but it all really started. With coffee, and like I said before, CI used to blow out school and write poetry and drink coffee like that. That was me. That was my rebelliousness, that was my bad behavior. Um, so, uh, for me it's really all about coffee, not alcohol, and not sadness.
Kayla: Absolutely. Yes. And it's funny, we were talking about this on how my thing was fan fiction and now I'm back like there's about fan fiction and like spicy stories. 'cause those have been like the most healing things from Marie, weirdly enough. And I think when we talk about what we're passionate about, that's what people wanna hear about anyways, so.
Michelle: You know. What makes you happy as a writer, that's where you, that's where your voice is, that's where the voice lives. And you know, that, that, we talked about that, about the power of writing and how, you know, writing can bring you back to that happy state. And, uh, you know, if it, if it. Creates, you know, new stories if it's, if you take the same characters.
Um, but tell different stories with the same characters. Like if it makes you happy, then freaking do it. Like do it. People wanna read that. People, people wanna story. We need storytellers. The world needs storytellers.
Kayla: 100%. So I would love for you to share the evolution from coffee, fitness, unicorn to coffee fueled stories, because it sounds like that was a big identity upgrade.
And I know you have a really powerful story to begin with and you know, our podcast was three years ago or something like that. Yes. So if you're willing to share that growth arc,
Michelle: we'd love for you to do that. Sure. So it helped a lot that I had, um, you know, uh, super vibrant blonde platinum hair, um, uh, to, to go with the coffee fitness unicorn.
So, um, like I said, I, when I found fitness, I, so prior to finding fitness, I decided to bleach my hair back. Um, so I kind of had to rebuild myself in a couple different ways. So I became a widow. And I decided to, and it's kind of like when women get divorced or, um, have a baby, or it's, it's just a part of how we process the next phase of our life.
And so for me, I became a widow and I decided to bleach my hair, go back to bleaching my hair. I bleached my hair when I was in the military. I loved it. I had fun with it. It was, it was something exciting and it made me happy. So again, I was trying to find ways to make myself happy. So the first way I made myself happy was bleach my hair, get a haircut, kind of get a new look so that when I looked in the mirror, I didn't see this sad person because I was sad.
So by just changing my appearance, that was the first step. Then going to Rome, that was another healing journey. Then coming back, finding fitness, getting a personal trainer, learning the importance of food, sleep. Water, which I still really suck at. Um, but, um, you all mindset and, and and training. So that's how I became coffee, fitness unicorn because I really found out that coffee and training went really well.
Like coaches really loved coffee. And I was like, well, that's just a natural part of me. I had this hair and I decided, okay, coffee, fitness, unicorn. That's the perfect way to rebuild myself in this widow state. And so I did that, and then I created the podcast, coffee Fitness Unicorn. I created my little logo.
Um, actually my partner created my logo for me. Um, and it was just part of that healing process, and I loved reaching out to people. Like people wouldn't remember my face, but they remembered coffee, fitness, unicorn, and the bleachy, blonde spiky hair. And that worked for me. I was like, that's great. Then I decided, okay, I wanna take this to the next level.
I would like to be a little bit more professional with the show. I'm having fun with it. This is, you know, exactly what I wanted, but now I have the power to do something with this. Maybe I should polish it a little bit more. And so that came out with the rebranding coffee field stories I still loved. I wanted coffee in there.
I really liked having the three words. Um, and so. Coffee field stories was born and then I decided I'm gonna try logos and I love this. Hi vis green. I wanted something. Hi vis green. My, my favorite color is this Hi vis Green. So I wanted to put my stamp on that. And so I came up with this. I learned Canva.
I started playing on Canva. Um, so I rebranded my sofas coffee field stories with this new logo and new design. And here I am.
Kayla: Nelly and you've shifted more from being about like all the stories all the time, although I'm sure you welcome everyone on yourself, but you've moved more towards the genre of horror for the most part.
Can you share more about what it was like to rebrand and, and hone in on this genre that you really wanted to share more
Michelle: with? Yeah, so that goes back to healing. Everything is really, for me, every, everything has been how. Have I been healing? How have I healed? How will I continue healing And horror is something that's been with me since I was a teenager.
I read Stephen King, I read Ann Rice and I fell in love with that genre. Um, and it just kind of spoke to me and I've, I've been reading horror, my. Whole life. It's something that has been with me my whole life. Um, and when I started blogging, um, I kept the horror side of myself very separate. I didn't tell my coworkers, I wrote horror flash.
I didn't want them to think that I was this weird, freaky, you know, like I knives stabbing. Like I didn't want any negative associations. With horror, not realizing that there are so many positive associations with horror. Um, then I really got involved with the Horror Writers Association. I started reaching out to horror authors and learning their stories and really connecting with the horror authors and realizing horror is healing and that was the vein that we would talk about.
And so writing and horror as healing, that just really, again, it really resonated with me. It helped me. You know, continue to heal. And so that's why I went more in a horror. That's why I have more horror authors on the show. But it's not to say that if you write horror, if you don't write horror, you can't be on the show.
'cause that's, as we know you, I just had you on the show. And so, um, you are not a horror author. Um, even though the, the shark stuff was pretty horrific. Um, as, as. You know, as the storyline, but, um, horror is, healing is, it's really all about catharsis for me and the power of writing. And I find that horror can be very powerful.
It can give you the justice that you, you really seek. Um, you can do mean horrible, awful things in horror books, um, and not go to jail. So horror is very healing in, in that regard. Um, but it's not to say that. I don't wanna just only talk to horror authors, but I really decided to dive into the horror community because again, it was about me healing and these, they were, they were very welcoming and I found myself very, um, very much part of their community.
And I still, you know, still feel it to this day.
Kayla: I love that so much because it is one of those genres where you're like, oh, it's just stabby stab zombies, whatever, blood and gore. But I think it's these genres that we judge that actually have a lot of power to heal and transform because they are vis visceral.
They are. There's a lot going on. So can you share more about how this genre specifically can be so healing both to read and to write?
Michelle: Yeah, sure. Um, so, uh, the, the, the best I'll, I'll use this story. Um, it's the story that messed me up the most. Um, and it's a Stephen King story and he admits that he actually didn't write the story he heard.
Uh, two other two people talking about it. And the story itself is called Big Trucker. And I read it in Full Dark No Stars, which is a collection of short stories. And again, he didn't write these. He, it's his retelling of these stories, but this story, big trucker. It's freaking awful. It's awful. Kayla, I'm like reading.
It was so hard to get through because of what actually happens in the story too. The, the, the woman character. And I don't wanna spoil it, but I'm just gonna say, oh, you know what, at this point I'm gonna spoil. There is heroism, there is justice, there's validation, there is, there is, there's trauma, but there's also peace.
And so that, and I read that, God, I read that when I was, um, I wanna say maybe. 10 years ago. So it was the, um, you know, very late in life, so I didn't read it when I was a teenager. I was reading Stephen King as a teenager, but this was a, something that I decided to, to pick up, you know, older. And it still had the same power that it had when I was a teenager.
You're reading these stories, your gut wretches, and you're just like, oh, the, because it is, there's gore, there's violence, there's, it's, it's awful. But Kayla, but there is, there's release, there is validation, there's heroism, there is bad assery, and that's what you want. That's the, that's the healing. So you go through this.
And then you're like, so that for me was, again, part of that horror is healing. So you, there's this awfulness, but there's also this supreme awesome power when you get to, again, a story like that. They're not all like that. Mm-hmm. But most of them are, most of 'em do have some sort of injustice with justice.
For me, those are the, those are the stories. Those are the authors that I usually want to talk to because I wanna know, how did you come up with those stories? Why did you, why did you put your character through all of this? What, like, why? You know? And so they share their stories. They had a horrible upbringing.
They went through these terrible things and now they have this great life and they have children and they wanna provide a great life for their children. I'm like. Well, there's a hero, so I would, I would be talking to these real life heroes, and so that's for me why I wanted to talk with these people, why I read their stories.
Kayla: That is powerful because I think in real life so many ugly, gruesome things happen and often there is no justice. Like we have a friend and he was telling me about this True Crime podcast episode he was listening to. I was so disturbed by it. I couldn't even sleep that night. But I can watch horror movies and horror read horror books.
They don't have that same impact because A, there is that justice and you know that there's a plot line where at the end, yes, bad stuff happens, but makes sense because there's a storyline and there's meaning behind it. Where some of the stuff that happens in real life, why there's like no meaning and that's what you lose sleep over.
But when you can go into a story and it has this healing effect. Like give me all the horror books, but don't ever make me listen to a True Crime podcast in my humble opinion.
Michelle: I am right there with you. So I, I started listening to True Crime podcast. That's, that's actually how I got into podcasts, was listening to True Crime podcasts.
Mm-hmm. And like you said, these, these people, these are real people and they're going through these real things. And it's horrible. And it's awful and you can't do anything about it. And I don't wanna feel helpless. And that's, so that's why I do like. The fictional stories because we do have the final girls, right?
We know about Final Girls now. There's a whole final girl culture. There are classes being taught at university about final girls. Like, you know, we went from having slasher films in the seventies to now having. Horror, you know, being taught at university, so mm-hmm. Talk about a shift in, in culture, but yes, I want, I want the hero stories.
I, I too love the True Crime podcast, but they do keep me up at night. They mess me up. They mess me up. Mm-hmm. But the, the, the story, so the big trucker story did mess me up. But at the, at the end of it, there is, like I said, that you're like, you can walk away day, walk away feeling validated.
Kayla: Well, I think horror is one of those genres.
And then Dark Romance is another one, and this is one I think that gets studied and talked about a lot because some people think, oh, if you've liked that genre, you are endorsing like violent sexual situations, which I. I don't think is the case at all. And you read about people who read this genre and they're actually survivors of these types of things, and they love these books because it gives them a place to safely process what they've been through.
And I feel like horror is very much the same, especially the horror authors you gravitate to.
Michelle: Absolutely. And that's, um, I, I'll, I'll reference to, uh, this gentleman, um, Calvin. Um, Calvin Ellis. I had him on the show a couple times, so I read it, uh, his first book and, and really enjoyed it, really enjoyed his process really.
And I call him, he is a true life superhero. He, he does good things. He has. Good human being. And then he came out with his second book and he just, and we all love his main character. We love her. And he put her through the ringer. And even he had a hard time with what he put her through. Like he struggled with that as a writer.
And, but he said it was very important to do that both for himself and for the story and for the readers. And um, you know, and I was just like, yeah. Talk about pushing yourself to the limit, like talk, I mean, again, pushing the readers. Pushing himself and pushing his character. Um, but, and, and he didn't do it just to be gratuitous.
He did it. There was a reason he did it. Um, and we talked about, uh, this awful, horrible character that he created in, in his first book. And I asked him about that character and he said, well, he too, you know, it was actually based off of parts of him. If he didn't have the right. Direction in his life. He very much could have been that character and I was just, when he admitted that, I just was blown away by that.
'cause this character's just. Awful. And the guy I was talking to was so opposite of that. But that's the, that's the importance of guidance and power. The power of writing, the power of, of, you know, finding that your narrative, you can either be a victor or you can be a victim. So, you know, you choose your own story, you know, you choose how you're gonna go with it.
And, you know, I'd like to be on a quest where I tell the story and I'm a victor, you know, so, um, talking with these authors. It's very much the power of writing and, and having it as a healing tool. That's, that's why I gravitate towards their stories and the writers that, that I talk with. It's, I don't talk with, it's not to say that extreme horror doesn't have its place.
It's just not, I, and I've read some of the stuff, but it's just, it's not, it's not my vibe. It's not what I'm into. Um, it doesn't resonate with me. I want a little bit more of a story and I wanna know why these authors did what they did, and so that's why I gravitate towards the guests that I've had and the stories that they, that they write.
Kayla: Hmm. It's more like horror with soul versus like the book equivalent of like just, I don't know why I'm thinking of like ER or something. That's just like how graphic and gory can they make it for the sake of. Goriness like, but when you actually have horror with soul and horror, when there's like meaning behind it, it's, it is, like you said, it's very cathartic and very healing.
Michelle: Yes, I like to consider myself vanilla horror or wholesome horror. Like that's, that's where, so even though it's horror, it's still very vanilla. Like I can talk to my mother-in-law, um, about the authors and they can tell their stories and we can, we don't sit there and talk about the, the violence and the gore.
We talk about the healing aspect of it. We talk about the writing process of it. Why, you know, why the author chose to, to do this to their characters. Um, we talk about the food that they eat because I love, there's nothing more I love when characters eat. Um, so that's why when you, you know, introduced your high protein meals and bacon and your stories, I was, I was all over it.
Kayla: I love that so much. So I wanna circle back to your book and the rewriting process and the adding in. So when you were doing your reflections, what are like one to three of the reflections you had that really stood out to you? So
Michelle: I was afraid that because, so the, the time of year that we had done that, we decided to start doing the reflections were all, it was a very har hard, it's the very, it's the hardest time of year for me.
Last year, the holidays, because that's when I lost, you know, my mom. Um, so the holidays just kind of sucked. Um, in the past, um, I've been doing a lot better. Last year was like the least sad. I was still sad, but it was like the least sad. And that's when we started the reflections. So I was, that's what I was saying.
I was like, I was afraid that my reflections weren't gonna be very reflective. Um, so once I, I, so sometimes I kind of had to like say no. Um, like my, my, uh, publisher was, she was like, okay, uh, I need, you know, we did, we were gonna do 13, we did 13 reflections. She was like, here they are. I need the, and she specifically told what, which one she wanted, and I straight up was like, this is not a good time.
This is not a good time. I was like, this is, I lost my mom on this day. Um, I, it's no, I, I can't, I said I'm gonna need a few days. Mm-hmm. And she was like, absolutely. And so this is kind of like, um, you know, writing is pain, right? And I was like, no, I'm not going to, I'm not gonna write today. I'm gonna go feel what I'm feeling.
I'm gonna experience what I'm experiencing and I'm gonna come back to it. Mm-hmm. And so I kind of had to reflect. On the reflections. Um, so it was kind of hard and then I kind of felt like I got behind because the holidays and the end of the year. And so we kind of picked back up in the new year and I was able to have a better approach to it.
I was ha I was able to actually write from a better place. Um, but a few of 'em were, were raw and, and I did, I, I tapped in, I decided to tap into it. I was like, you know what? I'm raw right now. F it, I'm gonna do it. And so I did. And those are the ones, once again, people are like, oh my God, this is so powerful.
And I'm just like, oh, like I don't want it always to be about the pain, but, but as long as I was just honest and that was, that's the big thing for me. I, I pride myself on my honesty. And so I was just honest. I was just coming from a place of honesty. I was just listening. I literally was listening to the words that were coming out.
I was like, I don't know what is happening. Just write this feeling and thought and then see, look at what, look at it, reread it as I'm writing it, and then change it if I need to. So a couple of 'em were still raw. Um, some reflections were, I know it sounds like I'm avoiding your answer, but I'm not, I'm not ans sounds like I'm not answering the question, but I am.
Here's where I'm going with that. Some of 'em were. Longer. Some of them were shorter, some of them were in between. 'cause she told me, she was like, I need 500 to 800 words. And I did try to hit that 500 mark every single time. Like I had a goal. I love being, I'm, I was like, sweet, I've got goals. So I would try to hit and I would, I would like nail 500 and I would be like 500, nailed it.
You know, send 500, send. Um, but the hardest one was the 801. That was, that was the deepest one. That was the more powerful one. That was like the, and I didn't know that one is the one that surprised me. Um, 'cause I wasn't, I, and I just, I just decided to just feel and process and it was the longer one. And I think I had another one that might have been like.
A thousand. A thousand words. So like I said, I was like, one was like 300, one was like a thousand, but for the most part they're all about 500, 500 words. Um, and those were the ones that surprised me.
Kayla: Mm-hmm. It sounds like you gave yourself a bit more of a runway to really get into the emotions and the depth, which I am very excited to read all of these reflections, and I think you touched on something beautiful is that it doesn't always have to be about the sadness, but there's something really potent about being able to process that sadness with writing.
Michelle: It, it, it does, it. It's like, it's not to say, like I said, it's not to say that I can't write. Um, and I actually wrote this in one of my reflections. Uh, it's the, the poetry, um, poetry in my cup, and it's about po and it's about how that's when I fell in love with writing. With coffee and writing about coffee.
And it's not to say that I can't write if I don't have coffee, but it just really helps because I can see it, I can feel it, I can taste it, I can hear it, I can hold it in my mug. So it's not just this intangible thing as far as like writing is concerned. I am fully, it's fully, I'm immersed in it. And so not having pain, not being.
Just because I'm not in pain at that moment doesn't mean I can't write. And, you know, we talked about that earlier, but sometimes it helps, but it also helps to heal if you have that pain. So it's, it's, it's, I, I can't, I don't wanna use it like, like, like you need it, right? But sometimes it's just. You just, I think you just have to figure out what tool to use.
And I always just consider write like writing as a tool. Um, and so fitness is a tool. Sleeping is a tool. So which tool do I wanna tap into today? Which sword do I wanna wield? Do I wanna wield a little teeny tiny sword? Do I wanna heal a, you know, big, big ass? What am I going to slay today, I guess is that's the question that I have to ask myself about.
You know, the writing, what, what are we tackling today? What emotion are we going to put out there today? Are we just gonna be silly and write about coffee or are we gonna like really talk about what's going on in here? I dunno.
Kayla: I love that you have that range of like, it can be silly, it can be deep, it can be all these different things.
And I love the analogy of like, you've got weapons in different quests and just choosing your tool accordingly. So.
Michelle: And that works for me because Quest, you know, that's something that kind, I remember the first time reading, you know, Chronicles of Narnia as a, as a child and just thinking that's like, this is the coolest thing ever.
Oh my God. Like, who doesn't wanna, that was where I first learned about Quest and Phantom Toll Booth, and he goes on a, my Logos on a Quest. Um, and Quest. Quest are powerful Quest, you know, like I, I love looking to me, I'm very much, the world is a puzzle. Things come to me as with a, as a puzzle. And, you know, I, I wanted, I, I'd like to think that I'm a, a problem solver.
I sometimes I'm good at it, sometimes I suck at it. Like Rubik's cube, oh my God. Can't solve a Rubik's cube to save my life. But, but I do like other puzzles. I can find, I can find hidden objects like, so it's just about using your strength. Like which strength do we wanna tap into? What, what thing do we want to.
You know, conquer today. You know, and, and just because you fail at training a quest doesn't necessarily mean you have failed. It just means that it gave you a different lesson that you were, you know, looking for. I don't look at failure as a bad thing. Like I said, my self-published thing, that was a life lesson, massive life lesson.
I'm proud that I did it. I, I don't consider it a failure. Um, I'm happy that I have a publisher now because. All the things that I didn't wanna have to deal with, you know, she can deal with like it was, yeah, it's, it's a quest. Life is a quest. And just pick your weapon.
Kayla: Can you share some of the differences between self-publishing versus publishing and what you've learned from the self-publishing process?
Process.
Michelle: Process? So, self-publishing isn't for the week, I'm just gonna say that now. It's not. And my publisher and I laugh about this all the time and I've laughed with some other people who have been self-published. And we do laugh that we laugh about that. We literally say it all the time. We're like, it is not for the week.
It is a challenge after challenge, after challenge, after challenge. Um, and at the end of the day, you know, are you happy with what you produced? That's the question you have to ask yourself. And like I said, this bad boy, it's not pretty. It's very punk rock. It's very. You know, slap dash. But at the end of the day, I am proud of it.
I'm proud of the process that I learned. I'm proud to have tackled it on my own, but do I ever wanna try to self-publish again? I, I don't know if I have the strength for that. I dunno if I have the strength for that. But if I had to, if I, if I, let's say I tried to find a publisher for, I don't know, I'm just gonna pick, um.
Let's say I wanted to do another book like this, um, and my publisher's like, eh, you know, we've already done that. Um, I don't wanna do that. And so she pretty much says no. And so now I have to go and try to find a new publisher who wants to do, and she hasn't said that. I'm just using this as a hypothetical, um, because she does wanna do the next book.
Um. Uh, but let's just say she says no. And so now I have to go and, you know, push my little book out there. And other people are, same thing. All of these publishers are like, well, you've already done it. Why should we do it? You know, why should we pick it up? And I'm just gonna say, you know, because I have a story and this is what I wanna say, and you people aren't, listen, you people aren't listening to me, so I am gonna get frustrated and I'm gonna want my justice and I'm gonna.
Self-publish. Again, much to my chagrin, I would do it because if I believe in the product and if these people don't believe in my product, but I believe in my product because I am my products, then I would do it. I would face that, I would grab all my tools, I would grab my arsenal, and I would go on that quest.
Um, but I hope, I hope I don't have to do that.
Kayla: Mm-hmm. Yes.
Michelle: But I would if I had to.
Kayla: That is totally fair. I'm so fascinated by how everyone's perspective is so different because I have been the opposite. I have done traditional and self-publishing. I've traditionally published two books and self-published The rest.
And I'm like, I never wanna work with a publisher again, which is not fair. It was probably just the two publishers I had, but I loved the creative control I had in the self-publishing process. Yes, it's a lot more work, but there were so many things that I love more about it. And again, it could have just been my two publishers I had.
Michelle: And you're a hundred percent right. And for me it was because I just, it's a lot, it's a lot of work. And the hardest part for me, especially because we were doing something, my website didn't con, it didn't exist anymore, so I was doing. PDF. And so I just didn't ha I could have self-published, I could have republished this again if I probably spent like a thousand dollars on different types of software to turn this into what they did.
But it's because I don't have those tools. They have, that's what they do for a living. They pay for these softwares to do what they do. Um, I didn't, so. If I had invested more financially, um, I probably could have come up with something. I don't think I could have come up with something as, like I said, I just freaking love this cover.
Um, and I, I don't think I would've done the reflections. Um, so. I could have taken my first go around and, you know, fine tuned it a little bit more, made the font a little bit larger, you know, made the pictures a little bit better. Like I could have done things if I had spent more money. I just didn't want to do that.
I, I wanted, that's what I'm saying, I wanted someone else to do the work that I just didn't want to do. I also didn't wanna spend the money on it. I wanted someone else who had the tools already that could literally take that, plop it into their little software, fine tune it, spit it out, and then I went, yeah, let's sell that.
So that, that was the process for me. With this particular, because it is photo driven and because it is, you know, PDFs and the website doesn't exist anymore, I needed someone who had the tools that I just didn't have.
Kayla: That's a very good point. And I was thinking about that as you were talking about it.
'cause I remembered how many awesome pictures you're first edition had and anything I've self-published has been purely to, so I can't even imagine the. Extra formatting and like you said, software that would be required if you did wanna do something with photos and pictures and, and wanted it to have that aesthetic pleasing look to it.
Um, so yeah, I think this is one thing I would invite anyone who's looking into the publishing world to think about is self-publishing is awesome for some, some people are all about traditional publishing, especially if it is photo driven. Needs to be, you know. Aesthetically looking a certain way. So really ask yourself what you're looking for in a publisher and what is most important to you?
Is it creative control? Is it having the functionality of all these different softwares and really going from there and letting it be a choose your own adventure.
Michelle: Absolutely. And that was the other thing. We added more photos, we added more content. Um, and, and like I said, I, I just didn't have, you know, the, the tools needed, um, and the software needed to turn this into the version that it is today.
Um, and like I said, I, I. I could have tried, I could have tried to create something like this, but I, I would have had to spend a, a lot more money on those software editing tools. Um, and, you know, pay for an editor. 'cause I didn't have, that was the, the, the two thing, the feedback that I got from, from the punk rock version was the text is too small.
Um, the photos aren't super clear. Um, and, uh. I lost the third one, but there was, oh, and the, the, the grammar, the, you know, the grammar mistakes, the, the editing. And I was like, again, I'm like, these were blogs that I just wrote from the heart going through something that I was experiencing on a website that doesn't exist.
I literally had to screenshot the website. Before I deleted the website. So this image is all that exists of these words and I was not about to retype re I could have, again, I could have done two different things. I could have rewritten the book from scratch in a current, my, you know, in my Mac pages, stuck in the photos or paid for software and I.
Didn't wanna do either of those two things. So I chose to do what I did. Yeah. And that was the, that was what was, that was the product that came out of that process. This is the product, this new product is, I love it. And I'm so happy to push this product. I love what they did and I love what we did together, the editor, the cover artist, and myself.
I like, I, you know, I love it.
Kayla: Perfect. So thank you so much for sharing that and just sharing a little bit about your process and how this has evolved over time and all of the benefits you got from being willing to try doing it a different way, which I think is also really powerful as well. And also the way you took the feedback, used it to improve, because we talked about that a little bit on the episode we did about.
Getting that feedback and getting that, you know, sometimes it's constructive and sometimes people are just leaving one star reviews for no reason, but I love that you actually took the genuine, heartfelt, constructive feedback and let it lead you to making a better product, which is very cool.
Michelle: Yeah, criticism is something that's hard to take, especially because we as creatives, like we are literally putting our heart.
On our sleeve and we're sharing it. And, you know, criticism is something that, you know, it's, it's not easy to take. Um, and it has to, it has to come from someone that we trust first off. So like with my publisher and my editor. I trusted them and I, I believed that they would make a better product. Um, and so by believing in them, I was like, okay, I accept this criticism.
Um, but if it was some, you know, stranger who didn't offer, as you were saying, somebody who, who doesn't give me something beneficial. Then I'm, I'm probably not gonna listen to it, but all of the, the criticism that did come back, you know, and, and I did know the font was really small. I did know the font was really small, and I did know about the, the grammatical errors, but I couldn't change it in the format that it was in.
Um, and like I said, I wasn't about to rewrite the whole damn thing and recreate the whole process all. I was like, no. I was like, I'm not gonna do it. Uh, I, I refuse to accept this. And so I learned from that and from the. The things that I did know, like I said, font being too small, grammatical errors. So we had a proper editor, um, and, and making the images, you know, bigger and better.
Um, so that's all stuff that I was, I agreed with and I believed, yes, this will make a better product.
Kayla: Mm-hmm.
Michelle: Absolutely.
Kayla: So we are getting close to the end. I had a couple more questions. I love for my guests to give the listener some kind of embodied challenge. So this can be a journal prompt, it can be a practice you love.
What is something you want our listeners to do for themselves? Mm,
Michelle: that is a good one. So I'm gonna go with Five Senses Meditation, because that's literally what I do every day with my coffee cup. Um, it's something that I learned from my therapist and it's a tool that I use. Every single day. I don't necessarily, you know, use all of the tools in my arsenal, but I do use that one every single day.
So I've got my coffee mug here, so I'll, I'll walk you through the process. So coffee mug, um, you can feel its weight. So, five Senses. Meditation is literally, it's the sense, sight, sound, touch, taste, smell. So for me it always starts with the weight of the coffee cup. I feel the weight of it. Then I see the coffee in it, it makes me happy.
So, but that right there is, you know, joy. Um, then smell it. I love the smell of coffee. Um, sometimes I add a little vanilla to it, so there's a little extra aroma to it. Um, then I taste it. Tasting it makes me happy. Um, the sound part can either be the coffee brewing, um, or if I reheat up, um, a cup, it's the beep, beep beep.
My coffee's ready. I get excited. So, um, that is for me my five senses meditation. So that would be something that I would highly recommend and you can do it with tea. You can do it with water. Um, it doesn't have to be coffee, but it's literally those same five senses. Feeling it in your hand, looking at it.
How does it make you feel? What are, are you anticipating? You know, does it make you like you start to get it again? Does hopefully it brings you joy. And so the whole point of the 5 cents is meditation is to relax, sit in it, prepare yourself, and feel joy.
Kayla: You touched on two of the most beautiful things, and one of those is presence.
I think presence heals so much, especially in our world where, you know, there's the internet and there's, you know, ruminating about the past, worrying about the future. Those moments of presence are so healing. And then you have the savoring aspect. So there's gratitude, there's celebration, and then it's like little brother savoring that everybody forgets about.
So you're just bringing in that savoring component with the drink you love the most and you're infusing it with mindfulness and presence. So that's like a triple threat right there. Yeah. So everyone go get your coffee, your tea, whatever it is, and do that. Five senses meditation. So yes, I might have to do that later today.
So Michelle, thank you so much for being here, and I wanna make sure if my listeners wanna find your book, if they wanna listen to your podcast or connect with you further, what are the best ways they can do so?
Michelle: Awesome. So, Kayla, thank you so much for having me. It was awesome talking about, uh, all of the, the aspects of writing, healing, things of that nature.
Um, 'cause sometimes I forget about that stuff. So, so thank you for bringing back the mindfulness, uh, about. Why I have my little book here, so thank you for that. Um, where to Find me? So Coffee Field stories, that is my website. Coffee field stories.com. And on the coffee field stories.com, there are a couple of different tabs.
So I have my Dream Epically tab. That is where you can buy the book because the book is for sale from my publisher. Uh, so all of the, the links are there. So again, coffee field stories.com. Just. Click on any one of those tabs. I also have a Substack and it's Shells coffee field stories. Do substack.com. I believe that's what it is.
And the podcast is also, uh, it's pretty much on every platform. Apple, Spotify, all of that Coffee Field Stories podcast.
Kayla: Now, I'll include links to all of that in the episode description. Thank you. You are welcome. So, any final words you might have for the listeners as we wrap up?
Michelle: Yes. Um, writing is my, that's coffee and writing.
Those are the, those are my tools. Um, I believe in finding the tools that work for you. Um, and if writing is what works for you, then write. Just get your thoughts out on the pa. Just write your heart out just right. I, I can't stress that enough, just right.
Kayla: We were saying earlier that we both want t-shirts that say, writing saved my life, and it really,
Michelle: really
Kayla: can.
Michelle: Absolutely. You know what, I'm actually, that's actually gonna be the title of your, uh, podcast episode. Writing Saved my, I'm literally writing this right now. Writing Saved My Life. Yep. There
Kayla: you go. Perfect. Well, thank you so much again for being here, Michelle. It has been so good to connect with you a second time and honestly, I would have you back like the third, fourth time going forward 'cause stuff does change year to year, so.
Michelle: It does and right back at you because like I said, I've learned so much from you. I, I am, I love your writing process as well. I love how you tapped back into it. I love how you, you, you went away from it, but you came back to it and you found, you know, the power of, of writing and that's, that to me is, you know, I, yes.
I, I can't say, like I said, this is the cult that we're creating, writing save my life, cult. So
Kayla: yeah. I'm not big on cults, but this one I think I, I am okay with.
Michelle: Same here. Totally.
Kayla: Well, thank you again. Thank you.
