223. You Can't Out-Perform Your Self-Worth With Rosie Milsom
223. You Can't Out-Perform Your Self-Worth With Rosie Milsom
When it comes to personal growth and business strategy, we often look for the next thing — the perfect productivity hack, the dream marketing funnel, the magic relationship formula. But what if the most important ingredient isn’t external at all?
In this episode of the Embodied Writing Warrior Podcast, Kayla sits down with self-worth coach Rosie Milon to explore why self-worth is the silent driver behind success — and how a lack of it will sabotage even the best strategy.
Rosie shares her journey through a ten-year fertility battle, the identity crisis that followed, and how reclaiming her worth became the turning point that led her to build a thriving coaching practice and podcast.
Together, they unpack:
How low self-worth shows up as overworking, undercharging, imposter syndrome, and visibility fears
Why strategy only works when your self-concept supports it
The true difference between confidence (doing) and self-worth (being)
The nervous system’s role in perceived “safety” around being seen
A visualization exercise for stepping into your next-level self
This conversation is a loving, powerful reminder that your outer world can only expand to the level that your inner world believes it’s worthy of receiving. Whether you're struggling to launch your business, fall in love, or step into your leadership… this episode is for you.
Embodied Activation
Before you begin:
Find a quiet place where you can sit or lie down comfortably. Take a few deep breaths, soften your body, and let yourself arrive fully in this moment.
Visualize…
It’s a specific day in the future — a date you choose.
And it’s the day everything clicks.
The day you wake up inside a dream you once thought might never happen.
The book is published.
The love is safe and real.
The launch was a success.
The number in your bank account reflects your worth.
The version of you that once felt impossible is now real. She’s here.
See the morning light.
What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
What does the room look like?
What are you wearing?
What’s in your cup?
What’s on your skin?
Who are you with?
What’s different in the way you move?
How does this version of you walk? Speak? Choose?
Let her saturate your body.
Now imagine yourself looking back on the path that brought you here — and ask:
What did I start doing that helped me become this version of myself?
What actions, habits, boundaries, or investments made this day possible?
What did I let go of along the way?
What identities or beliefs did I leave behind?
What did I stop settling for?
What old fears no longer hold me back?
Let the answers rise gently. You don’t need to chase them. Trust your body’s wisdom.
And finally, ask your future self:
“What would you like me to know right now?”
“What would you do next, if you were me, here in this moment?”
Take a breath and anchor the feeling.
This future version of you is not a fantasy.
She is a memory from your timeline.
And you’re already becoming her — breath by breath, choice by choice, day by day.
Come back slowly.
Open your eyes.
Write it down if you feel called.
You are ready.
Links Mentioned
Transcript
Kayla: Hello Rosie and welcome to the Embodied Writing Warrior Podcast.
Rosie: Hi. Yeah, thanks so much, Kayla. Really happy to be here.
Kayla: I am excited to have you because you do some incredibly important work for the women of the world. So I know one of the big things you focus on is self-worth, and I feel like that is the foundation of mm-hmm.
So much, which makes me so excited to have this conversation. Yeah. So I would just love to hear a little bit more about how you got into the work you do now.
Rosie: Mm-hmm. Yeah, sure. Yeah, you're absolutely right and thank you so much for having me on and being excited to talk about it. Honestly, it's one of those topics that I can.
Wax lyrical on for ages. But yeah, in terms of how I got into it, so coaching as a whole, I got into, after a really difficult, fertility journey. I was trying to have kids with my ex-partner for about 10 years and, went through various rounds of, IVF. So yeah, I went through a really long, fertility journey trying to have children. And as part of that, I struggled quite a lot mentally and emotionally. As those that might have been through, fertility treatment will kind of know and understand.
And as part of that, I discovered the work. Of mindset and personal development. And when it became clear that, my life might not look like I thought it would in terms of having children and I wasn't able to have children in the end, I was like, okay, well if I'm not gonna leave the legacy that I thought I was gonna leave, what am I gonna do now?
Because I, even though I enjoyed what I was doing, which is working as a fundraiser, in not-for-profit, you know, charities, and I still do some of that, it felt like there was more. More to be expressed. There was more purpose that I was, you know, due to do. And so, I delved into that more, found that,
coaching was always something in the back of my mind that I wanted to do, but the self-discovery work that I did found that was pointing me towards that. So I studied to become a coach. I got certified within a few months, launched my business online and got my first paying clients really gratefully not long afterwards, but how the self-worth thing came about.
I thought I was gonna be like a career or purpose coach, and that is a large part of what I do. But I noticed from like both my practice clients and my first paying clients, that no matter what, people were coming to me about, whether it was, career feeling lost, wanting to find like the love of their lives at the root of.
Everyone's issues was some form of I'm not good enough. It came down to self-worth, whether that was, I'm not smart enough, I'm not lovable. In some way it was, I'm not good enough. And I realized that low self-worth so many women, in fact, I would say almost like nine out of 10 women.
Have some form of low self-worth that's holding them back. Sometimes it's really obvious in terms of like hearing that inner critic. Sometimes it's less obvious in the ways that we self-sabotage, but I feel if you have that foundation of strong self-worth, as in knowing that you are valuable with the capable deserving of anything that you want, you can do
anything you dream of or have anything that you dream of. But without it, no matter, no amount of hard work, knowledge, study qualification, money, love will feel like enough.
Kayla: Thank you so much for sharing that. So self-worth is really that missing link regardless of what goal or dream you're pursuing.
Yes.
Rosie: Yeah, that is literally the words I use. Sometimes self-worth is the missing link to success and happiness. If you have that, the decisions that you make about your life, the direction that you go in, how you show up for yourself and how you show up with other people, is completely transformed.
Kayla: So can you share a, before this? Foundation of self-worth versus after and how a person's life changes once they have that solid foundation.
Rosie: Yeah, absolutely. So if we take a scenario of, say you are a business owner or you are looking to progress in your career, you're wanting to earn more, have more success, have more fulfillment when you have low self-worth, how that might look like is overworking.
Undercharging imposter syndrome. Always feeling like you've gotta earn your place, earn the money that you're paid. Give more than, you receive. Feeling like a fraud. Being quite sensitive to people's criticisms. And playing small.
Ultimately it's, you know, it's having those dreams, knowing that there's more potential in you and being able to see what that person would look like. But never quite feeling like you get there versus when you have self-worth. And so in this scenario, if we say like, you know that you are smart and capable enough, like you show up completely, you make decisions more easily rather than overthinking them.
You know, you charge or earn your worth, you know, where you are in a career or business. You might have those moments of self-doubt. Nobody's immune to them. We're all. Human. But when you feel that self-doubt, when you have strong self-worth and you know that you have value just as you are, you know that you're good and capable enough, you're more able to navigate your way through it rather than avoid things procrastinate, not do the things that you dream of.
You'll, you'll put yourself outta your comfort zone more easily. You'll pitch yourself. For that talk, you'll go on that podcast, you'll apply for that promotion. So you just, you, you get more momentum in life. You get you, you earn more, more like what you're worth. You know, you attract those good opportunities.
And on on the same vein, if we talk about that level of attraction. And we talk about self-worth in, you know, love, relationships, that kind of thing as well. You know, if you don't believe that you are worthy, of love, and relationships, if you, you know, struggle to feel that sense of love, you know, how that might look like, is wondering whether or not that sense of love is going to be, available to you.
It's seeing the type of love that you want, but always going for the, other type of person. It's not being able to express. The kind of love that you want. It's, struggling with being vulnerable and, settling down with somebody.
Ultimately when you have a strong foundation of self-worth when it comes to love and relationships, you attract the kind of people who, respect the level of value that you bring to your table rather than people who, see your weak points and that you feel you have to prove and work into.
So. I say it, it's, the difference before and after is always feeling like you need to prove your worth, prove your love, prove that you are someone that's good enough to have the kind of things you dream of. Whereas having that strong foundation of self-worth is already knowing that you are good enough.
I'm trusting. You will either work out anything that you don't know, but being absolutely on your side and working that out, or trusting that you absolutely deserve the love and the person and everything that you dream about, and knowing that that is inevitable because you know you're worthy and deserving of having it.
I feel like I went on a really long one about that, but hopefully it makes sense.
Kayla: It makes absolute sense. And one thing that. I find is that many people try to skip that initial step, so they won't do that very foundational self-worth work. And then they'll get the business strategist or they'll go on the dating apps.
Or they'll do the things and they wonder, oh my goodness. Why is this not working? And it's not necessarily that the strategy is bad or that exactly. The dating app just has nothing but you know, F boys on it. It's literally that that foundational self-worth piece is missing. And when you have that, from what I've heard is that that changes everything.
Rosie: Yeah, a hundred percent. Look, you can, have all of the qualifications that you want. You can have, the marketing manager hand you the strategy, the playbook, if we're talking career and business
or you can have like the dating. Tell you exactly what to say or exactly how to act to attract the person that you want. But, if the underlying script that you have in your head is, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, or you struggle like some of my clients do.
They struggle with a sense of like visibility showing up on social media because they're scared of being judged, you know, by other people. They're scared of what people might think, you know, they wonder if they're like not attractive enough whatever that thing might be that's holding them back.
You can have all the knowledge in the world, but if you don't have the confidence and self-worth to show up and be seen. Whether that is in a relationship or otherwise, it doesn't matter how much strategy you have, because you won't show up in the way to do the things with the stuff that you've learned.
So you have to have that belief in yourself. You have to have that sense of knowing, that you're worth and deserving. Like I said, that huge amount of self trust, to carry out the things that you've learned. You can't outperform. Your level of worth.
You can't outlearn your level of self-worth. That is the key that allows you to do anything that you want with everything that you've got.
Kayla: Mm-hmm. You can't outperform your level of self-worth that might. Be the title of this podcast. So you touched on visibility, fears, and that fear of judgment and that fear of what are people gonna think of me, which I think is so huge and does keep people really playing small.
So how do you help people push past these visibility fears and these fears around being vulnerable when they're seen on a bigger scale?
Rosie: I think a huge part of it is understanding the root of that specific fear, because it's different for, you know, every p you know, every person. So like I remember when I became a life coach and there wasn't element of me that's like, oh, how am I gonna start talking about this on LinkedIn?
Because I feel, I dunno if it's just the world. Is coming more round to coaching or whether it's the coaching world that I live in. But I feel like when I became a life coach, it wasn't that like prevalent in the online space as it is now. And so I thought, oh, you know, are people gonna think. Wow, she's a life coach that's like world cheesy or, or something along those lines.
You know, there was that, oh, if people see me on LinkedIn and think she's a life coach, what's that about? So there's always that element of like, people are gonna think, who is she to do that? Or what is that kind of thing? And then there's the literal physical visibility.
So not being confident in yourself, the way that you look, the way that you talk, and then wondering about people. Judging you. So I think first of all, it's getting to the roots of what that fear means and where it's coming from. So really listening to that interval. And what it's specifically saying.
So, you know, when you're in that position, when you are wanting to like, show up on social media or do a presentation at work, or put yourself out there, on a dating app and you're worried about the things that people might be thinking, what are the specific thoughts that are coming up?
Because that will help you to understand what that route is. One of the lessons that I learned I recently came back from a retreat in Thailand and one of the lessons that we talked about, that is super close to what I speak about with my clients as well is the root of all of our problems and suffering come from our ego.
And that's not necessarily meaning like ego, like, oh, I'm, you know, the bigger, because I think a lot of the time we think of ego and we think, oh, big I am and I'm this, and I'm that. But that's, that's not the only side of your ego. Your ego is more the thing that's, bothered about what people think that creates this sense of importance or, but also that sense of fear around being judged and what you consider and perceive to feel safe because your ego, that's what your ego's trying to do. It's trying to make you safe. It's trying to, keep you safe from whatever perceived threats, you see in the world. And, you know, when we were, cave men and women,
the threats that we had were, you know, trying to stay alive, running a away from, you know, saber teeth, tigers or other predators or whatever. And so our nervous system was built in, in order for us to, you know, perceive those threats, you know, run off if we need to respond as we need to increase those, you know, panic hormones and get you running, whereas.
Now we don't have those same threats. In the same way we are not necessarily physically threatened, but our nervous system hasn't really either like evolved, since then. So now I perceive threats are what are people gonna think of us, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And, you know, it is almost that sense of, oh, if I get seen or if someone, if someone doesn't approve of me, I'll get thrown out of the tribe.
Or, you know, someone doesn't approve of me. That's where the threat comes in of like, oh, that this is, you know, threatening my safety. So if you can find the root of that, you know, that self-doubt, that fear around being seen, around being judged, understand what it's speaking to, how it's attacking your nervous system, what those responses are that you have to it, and ultimately be able to rewire.
Those scripts, those limiting beliefs that are creating that sense of, or full sense of like attack a nervousness and, and really, you know, detach yourself from your ego. You know, realize that there is no, basically I always say like judgment is only an issue if you put. Weight on the judgment that's having, you know, we can't control what other people are saying.
We can't control the judgments that we have. Or that they have of us. But what we can control is how we feel about it. What meaning we attach to it, how we respond to it. And nobody has power over making us feel any particular way. So the more that you can detach from it, oh, if someone says that, then it must mean that, you know, ultimately it's triggering that belief that you have about yourself.
And if you're no longer attached to that belief, and you're no longer attached to your ego in the same way. Then you can show up as you want authentically without that fear of judgment, of danger of otherwise.
Kayla: I think that's a powerful point to drive home, is that we are always choosing the meaning we assign to things.
And as powerful creators, we get to rewrite that story regardless of what the outside world is saying or thinking. And that's. Probably one of the most powerful skills I think a person can have, and I could see that being so instrumental to not only healing those visibility wounds, but also with that deeper self-worth work.
Rosie: Yeah, absolutely. You know. So we, if, if we do understand that meaning, so if we go, oh, if I do, so one of the kind of formulas you can do is like, if you wanna understand how you're responding to something and what meaning you're attaching to it is starting off with, okay, if I do X, so the, the thing that you're scared of putting, then ask yourself, okay, then this means, well, if I do, if I do x, Y is gonna happen.
And that's going to mean Zed. So you're kind of putting the formula together. If I show up on social
media, then people are gonna question what I say. They're gonna, you know, they, they're gonna question if I know what it is that I'm doing. If people are questioning what I'm doing, then I'm clearly not smart enough to, to do what I'm doing. That's the meaning that you're attaching to it. But you know, it's not a universal meaning like that isn't 100% true.
That's just the story or that you're telling yourself. That's the meaning that you're attaching to things on your own. So. You know that that wouldn't be true to somebody else. And the only difference is the experiences that you've had as a person and the meaning that you're attaching to it. And that's why I said that the more that you can understand the meaning that you're attaching to it, question that meaning, look at it from a different perspective and detach from that, the more power you're gonna have as a person.
Kayla: Absolutely. And I imagine that would help not only with self-worth, but confidence as well.
Rosie: Yeah. And you know, the two sides of a similar coin, sometimes, people ask me, well, what's the difference between, self-worth or self-belief and confidence? And I would say like confidence is like the costume you wear.
So confidence is like what you do, whereas self-worth is how you feel. So self-worth is that inherent knowing that, you're a worthy, deserving person no matter who you are, what you might have done, what you bring to the table, what your, qualifications are, what your relationship history is.
Self-worth is that in a knowing that I am a value, it's not necessarily like an I am special, it's more like I, you know, just by existing, I am just as worthy as, as anybody else to, to do or have the things that I dream of. And from that comes the confidence to be able to show up. So the confidence is like the doing and the self-worth is the being.
Kayla: Hmm. So it makes sense. You'd wanna cultivate that self-worth first and then the confidence and the actions you take become kinda a natural byproduct.
Rosie: Yeah, exactly. Whereas the other way around, if you train in something, and you do it over and over again, you can get confident in doing that, you can get confident and show up.
Like say you had a presentation or a speech, you could do it over and over again and you can get more confident in your ability to deliver that speech. But if you haven't worked on that foundation of self-worth, that confidence doesn't necessarily last. So you might deliver it, but you'll still be questioning afterwards.
Was I good enough? Am I good enough? You know, like say, confidence is like the costume. The self-worth is just what you are inside.
Kayla: Absolutely. So Rosie, this has been such a powerful conversation. One thing I always do is I get my guests to give the listeners some kind of an embodied challenge, so it can be a journal, prompt, breath work, one of your favorite practices you share with your clients.
Something the listeners can take away and do after this episode,
Rosie: I think. One of the things or exercises that, my clients find really powerful and me as well is, a sense of visualization because. It's easier to step into something that you've seen and felt like to step into that as a person.
It also kind of helps you build that bridge between who you have been and who you want to be. So really powerful. Exercises is too. Say you've got a specific goal in mind, something that you want to achieve, whether that's being with a person, whether it's, writing a book, whether it's, launching a business picking a specific date by which you feel like you've done something, like you've achieved something specific related to that goal.
So it could be, you know, book being published, getting married, launching the business or reaching a particular financial milestone, and it's taking some time to sit, meditate, and visualize on that. Imagine that date, and then literally live it in. Like real time. So imagine that, that day, like getting up, like literally, what do you, when you get up, what's the first thing you do?
What do you have for breakfast? Where do you walk for your house? What are like using all your centers and smells? You know, who do you interact with? How are you carrying yourself when that, when you get to the park where you are, you know, observing this, this achievement, this love, this book, this business, whatever it is that you, you know, that you desire.
Feeling those points, feeling that go through, seeing that in your mind's eye and then whilst you're still in that day looking back and kind of, you know, I say that in quote marks. 'cause obviously you're kind of looking back through time from achieving that, and thinking, okay, what did I do to get here?
What did I do that I'm not already doing that got me here? And thinking about those practical actions that you took, that meant you were that person that got there and felt like that. And then, just keep asking yourself anything else, going through it. It can be a really powerful thing to do with somebody or to record, and then listen back.
But you can absolutely do it on your own as well. But not only ask like, what did I do, but what did I let go of? So it's an exercise that I learned off one of my coaches called timeline jumping. So when you're, again, when you're at that point, when you've asked yourself, what did I do to get here?
It's asking yourself, what did I let go of in order to be able to get here? And in those ways you have both the practical things that you can do, but also the emotional, things that you let go of in order to become that person and give you a bit of a roadmap between where you are now and where you wanna be.
Kayla: I absolutely love that, both the practical piece, and also I think people often don't realize how important that letting go aspect is. And it just reminds me of something I read in a book, and I think it was by Marshall Goldsmith, but he said most high performing goal oriented. Oriented. People don't need to learn what to do.
They need to learn what to stop. So I love that this practice you've provided has a little bit of the what to do, but also like the what to release, what to just, yeah. Let go of what to stop doing.
Rosie: Yeah, absolutely. And that, you know, they also say that a lot of high performing people, visualize as well, like they see it before.
They are it or they have it. They move forward towards that with conviction and belief. But you are also coding your body from a physical perspective. What it feels like and looks like to be in that version of you. And that's also really powerful.
Kayla: Absolutely. And when people want to connect with you further, I know you have an amazing podcast.
Can you just share some of the best places for them to go?
Rosie: Yeah, absolutely. And yeah, thank you for that. Obviously you've been a lovely guest on my podcast as well. I have a podcast called Self-Worth School. It's all about lessons on becoming your happiest, most confident self. I absolutely love it.
We cross so many topics, but they're all designed for. Purpose led, women, who are just looking to become the happiest and most confident version of themselves. You can find that over on, Spotify, apple, Amazon, and YouTube. So definitely come out, pick an episode to listen, whether it's.
The lovely one with you. Or anything else that takes your fancy, I'd love to either get your listeners to come out and listen and let me know what they think. But otherwise I hang out mostly on Instagram. I can share the. Handle with you for the show notes, but, I'm Rosie Milon coaching and I also hang out a lot on, LinkedIn and a little bit on TikTok as well.
So, we'd love to, hear or connect with anyone that feels they, that this has resonated with them today.
Kayla: Absolutely. And I will link everything in the show notes. So thank you again, Rosie. Thanks so much for having me.
