211. When Faith Meets Dark Romance: Healing, God, & Creative Rebellion
211. When Faith Meets Dark Romance: Healing, God, & Creative Rebellion
Dark romance isn’t usually the first place people expect to find conversations about God—but that’s exactly why this episode is so fascinating.
In this week’s interview, dark romance author Felsi shares her remarkable journey from the underground punk and goth scene to writing emotionally intense, spiritually infused fiction. Her path weaves together creativity, trauma healing, and a very unconventional relationship with Jesus—one that lives far outside traditional religious structures.
Raised in the punk world, surrounded by clubs, music, and community, she found herself face-to-face with loss, addiction, and grief at a young age. In the middle of that darkness, she cried out for help—and discovered a God who was nothing like the judgmental figure many of us grew up fearing.
For her, Jesus didn’t show up in a church.
He showed up in the clubs.
In the underground.
In the places where the forgotten gather.
This same spirit now infuses her dark romance novels—stories full of broken characters, messy devotion, fierce loyalty, and redemption. As she explains, dark romance readers often connect to these stories because they’ve lived through similar emotional landscapes. The genre gives them language and catharsis.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
Why dark romance is such a misunderstood—but powerful—genre
How a loving, gentle God can exist beyond religious trauma
What happened when her punk band performed a full Jesus narrative inside goth clubs
Why creativity becomes a lifeline when the world doesn’t make space for your story
How faith can support healing for the deeply broken or overlooked
Why pairing Jesus with dark romance isn’t contradictory—it’s authentic to her journey
This is a conversation about radical authenticity, about healing after darkness, and about the creative courage it takes to merge two worlds that don’t traditionally belong together.
If you’ve ever carried religious wounding, struggled with belonging, or felt drawn to healing through stories, this episode will speak to your heart.
Connect With Felsi:
Transcript
Kayla: . Alright, Felsi, welcome to the Embodied Writing Warrior Podcast. Thank you. Thank you for the invite. You are very welcome. Thank you for joining me. So I think we connected through.
Coffee fueled stories. I've had her on the podcast as well. And you mentioned something about how Dark Romance is one of those genres that's very misunderstood and it can actually be a powerful form of healing when approached a certain way. And you are an author of Dark Romance, so I was very excited to have you on the show.
So can you share a little bit more about your journey as an author and just. What brought you to writing the books you do today?
Felsi: It's actually a really long story and I'm really excited to talk about it. It was basically always in my heart to write a book, but the point where I was really, deciding now I write this book was after the. I was on tour with a punk band and we went, with our band on tour in Sao Paulo in the underground clubs.
It was like, we performed in golf clubs and also of, you know, like punk clubs and rock clubs and, witch clubs. And we had in our show, a theater. We performed, we showed the audience, the message of Jesus in the performance, so it was a really dark show, and it was very emotional and people were touched.
People were not expecting us to have the message of Jesus because we had the opposite. The audience believed in the opposite more, or I did not wanna know anything from God or was not open for God, really, so, we had a really, really good promotion video. And often the owner of the clubs, they would not want us when they find out this is a message of Jesus, which we bring into the clubs.
And then they saw the video and then they were so like, okay, yes, we can perform. They changed their minds, you know, they were like, okay, no, you can perform Okay. Yes you can, because the, the show is so good because we had fire in the show. We had all sort of, special effects, you know, we, it was really, really breathtaking show, you know?
So, then we went in the clubs and the audience, did not know about what is gonna happen. And we started with a punk with couple of songs, you know, it was punk rock and it was perfect music for them and they liked it. And then we had, in the perform, and then we started, so showing, a broken girl, you know, which I, I was my part and.
It was really sad part, really like abused on stage and everything. It was really, for me, very emotional playing this I could never play and not have my whole heart in this girl's part when I played and yeah, then we had Jesus there and he helped me and he was like caring and he was this.
, The character who cares for the broken ones. He cares for the forgotten and the ones who are really hurt. And then Jesus died, or we showed how he dies. And the audience realized, this is Jesus. This is about God.
And they started to really often, sometimes they mocked, you know, they were like, they wanted him dead. And then we had Jesus there in the coffin, and I was the girl who cried at the coffin and everything. And then people started to get quiet, the audience, you know, and then, Jesus started to, he woke up.
He came out of the coffin resurrection. And this was also such a part, so emotional. And the audience suddenly. Realize this is God. You know, God is, he's alive, he is risen. And it was absolutely breathtaking because, people were touched and they were touched, like they realized this is Jesus.
He cares. He's not a God who is somewhere, you know, he is with us and he comes in the clubs and we had. People crying. Crying and, we prayed with people and it was so nice. It was unbelievable really. There was a miracle happening and people had for the first time, understood, God loves them.
You know, God is for us. He's not against us. He loves us. And this was, so awesome to see and was such a privilege to see, you know, because we. We were just performing in the clubs and we loved going into those clubs. You know, it was in my heart, and this was from a part of my past too, because I would always go in the clubs, you know, I would be in punk clubs, golf clubs, you know, my background is punk scene, gothic scene.
So this was for me. So this is, could be me in the audience, you know, it could be me standing there really, and being, seeing, meeting God, you know? And then when we have done all the shows and, we finished the tour our singer, he always said, oh, you should write this art down.
You should write this down. And I, really want to share this. This was my first book. This was my biography that I wrote, and also my story, how I found God, which is a miracle. For me, when I look back, this was really, a real miracle how I found Jesus because I was 21 and I never felt I fitted into society.
I never felt I could do this, I could, I don't know, I was, I think I was somehow falling out, you know, of the system. Then I was with the punks. I was in the rock scene, and I was like, I started to have this attitude, you know, I had this punk attitude like, you hate the system. You hate all authority.
You are just, you are not, we are not fitting in. You know, we are not, we are just complete outsider. And I was, taking on this attitude, you know, and I was like, it wasn't even, my thing, you know? And then having all this surrounding was also not helping me, to. Like, yes, I'm somehow trying to get my life, in just live normal, you know?
I just was like, totally. And then I was with a, rock band and managed the rock band and in the punk with the punks. And then my life came to a turning point when the band split and friends of mine, were dying of drugs. They were living on the streets, some of them, and it was really, really tough for them to live on the streets because it is tough.
It is simply tough. It is a tough life. And, I was so overwhelmed with this. Suddenly friends dying. I didn't know how to handle this. I was absolutely so shocked because you see the person, you see your friend, and the next time he is dead. Where is he? And he is like, yeah, he just died.
He died because he had an overdose. A first friend of mine died because he had an overdose of heroin or he had unclean heroin. And it was, really an accident. He didn't plan to, no one planned really to die, but it was like, I was only 2020 at this time. And my friends were also, they were only 20.
So it was horrible. It was absolutely something I could not handle. And I was so, broken. I crashed down and I was crying. God help me. And he helped me. You know, he really pulled me out. You know, and this is another long story really, but I found Jesus when I was 21, and he has helped me to continue, to have hope for my life and to,
somehow, make life work, really, you know, because it's not for everyone. Not everyone is immediately like studying has a good job and everything. I think everyone is so different. We are all different, you know, and some people can do it easy and others think, what's this?
You start to realize, what is this? This is not my thing, you know, I cannot have this, hard attitude really often, we live to survive and the strongest survive and the weakest one dies basically, it doesn't matter, because people are going for money, going for the most well paid jobs, for the high standards in society, or to meet all the standards of society, to have the position in society like this acceptable or everyone has to work.
Just this identity, you know, like, I'm having my, my money, I have the cars, I have the holiday, I have my, my house. You know, or this, this is also, of course nice, you know, if someone has all this, you know. But then if it's, if you say, I just can't do this. It just is not my thing, you know? And you're just so easily out of the system, you know, so easily.
Like if you say I'm an artist, I'm doing my, let's say, painting or, and it is not selling, you know, you need to be famous or you need to have some sort of an audience, who helps you, you know, who supports you, but it's so easy to fall out of this, you know? Yes. That's what I think. And that's where God really stepped in into my life and really gives me his identity.
You know, when I'm saying I, I'm not, I'm not like stuck in this, you know, because I can, I know I'm worth, no matter how I perform, you know, or how I am, I'm, how my, my whole performance, you know, I can fail. I can fail with, you know, I can fail. And he still is there and he loves me. His arms are always wide open, you know?
And he is not, never go, he never goes fuzzy. It's like he doesn't, because he is like so, such a loving God, you know? And he's so caring and he is never, he is never angry, you know? He is never, he is just like, yeah, he helps me, he's helps me to stand up, you know?
I fall, often off my life, and often he is there. He's right there. This is so beautiful, and this is especially for the broken ones, because he is so often, so many, quotes in the Bible, he's close to the broken hearted. He is close to the ones who are hurt. He helps.
And I think that the. What I see as a such a sad thing, you know, is that so many people have a wrong picture of God. He is this judging God. He is this, I'm failing. I'm not good enough. And it's exactly the opposite because he picks up the ones who are broken, you know, he picks it up and he cares and he's there.
And I think this is the main reason why many people. Just think, be scared, you know, perhaps scared of God or, I don't know. I just simply so hurt and just thinking too hurt perhaps to fight God, you know, or to seek him or be open for him. I never really planned to write Dark Romance, you know?
But, it just happened. When I wrote my biography, I was thinking, I wanna write another book. And this was years later, some years later. I was always, my heart is with the, with my background really, you know, the freaks really, you know, you see the artist and, and simply cause people rocka, metal freaks and all those sort of people.
This is my background and this is so in my heart, you know, reach them and tell them God is alive. You know, what we have done with our show. I write a devotional form for the outcast, you know, but it never worked.
You know, I wrote some certain themes, but I wanted to put in the book and it just hasn't worked, you know? And I was like, it's, I was not happy and I was not really happy. And then I was sitting at church once and the pastor speaks about this criminal, you know, about this criminal.
And I was like, I was so touched. I was like, yes, I write, a story about him. And then it turned out it was a dark, it turned out into a dark romance, you know, and I wrote this book first in German, and then I started to be on Instagram and no one could read my book because it wasn't German.
And then there was one girl, she was a dark Romans author too, and she's like, oh, she wants to read this book, you know, this chairman. And then I was thinking, I need to translate this into English because it's so sad and she can't read it. You know, I read all her books and I keep reading one after the other, the laughter books, you know.
And she paused my book and she was flicking through it and couldn't read it. And so, okay. I promise you I translates for her. Okay. And then, but I was, I decided if I translate this, I'm gonna do it darker. Much darker. That's why I wanted to translate it, myself, I was not sure I could do it,
and then I worked on the first pages started to translate it worked. I felt, it worked, I was happy. And of course it's not the perfect English Dark Romance written book. Because, it's my first translation but I was happy.
And then I sent her, after a year, it took me a whole year to work on this, you know, translate this, and then I thought I sent a print all out. I sent her the manuscript, like I sent it to her with the post, and it took five weeks from Austria to Canada and she had it I was so nervous, I was so stressed. I was thinking, okay, if she doesn't like this, I'm not even publishing this, because maybe this is really bad English or whatever, and she can't even understand the message and everything. She liked it. She really liked it.
And I was Is she, does she say this or does she just, what I thought I was thinking. She's honest, she liked it. She liked the, she liked the story and the stories like this, see if, you know, I can't really say much about it because I was spoiled too much, you know, so, but, but it was, it was so much fun to, to write it.
I loved it. I absolutely loved it. And then I didn't, I didn't plan to write the second part, but then it was so sad because there was this girl, you know, and he's like, he is not there anymore. And, and the girl, and I was saying, I cannot leave this girl. I cannot leave this broken girl. And then, and now I, I, I wrote the list.
Yes. On the second part, which I have written. I just enjoy it so much. I think I, I'm just enjoying it. I enjoy writing it and I don't know how many people really are gonna read it, but I think if there's a few people reading it and liking it, I'm happy. Okay.
Kayla: Exactly. I think there's just something so magical about that creative expression and even where you got inspired by it is so cool. And I just love hearing author's origin stories. And another really cool thing that spoke to me in your story was the. How you marry two very different worlds, and I just love the fact that you went to punk rock shows and told the story of God and Jesus Christ because I can absolutely see that audience being.
Hesitant to that message because I think there are so many people, exactly as you said, they have a perspective of God, Jesus that is not forgiving, that is judgmental, that is constrictive because of. Religious experiences they've had with organized religions, for example. So I love that you've had this really beautiful relationship with your spirituality, with God, with Jesus that is unconditional.
It actually picks you up and expands you versus being this relationship, I think some. People have where it's more contracted and I can't do this, or I must be perfect and if I see a bad person. Yeah. So I just love that you bring this conversation and this perspective in. So thank you. You're welcome. Yeah. So I would love to hear a little bit more about Dark Romance.
Can you tell me what is so fascinating about this particular genre and how it can actually be a really transformative one for people to read?
Felsi: I think Dark Romance, but I laugh about Dark Romance is that it's not shallow, you know, the characters are so broken and they're just so sometimes, just so beside, you know, beside themselves really, in real life you would go, this person, this is totally just not acceptable, in so many ways, but then when you read about them.
And especially, of course, you have this criminal or the bad guy, let's say, and of course, you know, but he's fighting for the girls, and he fights for them and for his loved one, you know, and he burns everything, he kills everyone, you know, for his girl. And this is something so nice. You have in those books, you know, he is of course this top character, he is himself really broken. He is hurt, you know, but when it comes to his girl, he is still standing up for her, you know, and I think this is a part when you read this, you know, and you're a girl and you are thinking.
Oh, this is just so cool. You love him, he's so bad, but you love him because he's just so loving in his own way, and that's what I think is so many girls so broken. So broken because of bad relationships or stumbling into something so easy,
because we as girls, we often so emotional, maybe different emotional than guys, than boys, and I think as a girl you go different into a relationship often, and often the boy goes into it differently and everyone has expectations and often it's not always working out, and you cannot always say it's this person's who is at fault, or sometimes it's just simply not working.
And, but sometimes it's also the boy is. Yeah, perhaps not, not really fighting or just, you know, there can be so many different things, but in, in, I think in the dark Romans book, you know, he fights, you know, he fights with his girl and he, maybe it's a little bit too much sometimes, you know, in real life you would say, this is way too much, you know, but you read it in the book and you, you like it.
I read it in books and I like him. I like him simply and I like him. Exactly how he is represented. You know, he is this overdosed, violent guy, you know, which you often say you could not handle this in real life. You know, you read it in the book, and maybe we need this, I don't know, maybe as a girl you say, maybe my past, you know, I think there's two things come together in my books.
You know, my past, my own past, and my relationship with Jesus, you know, so I have Jesus in my dark Romans. And it just happened. You know, I've not planned this to happen, but I think I, it wouldn't be me writing a, a nice, let's say, a nice sunset relationship where everything is happy. You know, I could, I couldn't write this because this is not me.
It's not my background. It's not my past, and I think the more broken you are. You write Dark Romance. You read Dark Romance, I think you need to come to a certain point in life, to even read Dark Romance and to write Dark Romance.
Maybe you never read it. I think everyone is different, you know, and some people would perhaps never, want to read Dark Romance, which is totally fine, and other girls go, yes, this is what I like now, it's not always that dark romance.
We read other things too. But I think for me I read mainly dark romance. Definitely. Because that's where I feel, I feel, yeah, it, it speaks to me, you know, it's like touches my heart, you know? The character touches my heart and yes, I think it is somehow healing.
You know, I've never thought about this, this way, really, you know? But hearing you are. Your podcasts, you know, I think Yes, yes, it's true. This is totally, it, it you value yourself differently. You know, because you're thinking this is a different standard in their books there, you know, because the boys are so, violently fighting, for the girl.
And this is definitely something you, identify and you think in real life, how is my standard been in real life? Quite low, you know, sometimes, you know, of course we all learning, you know, but we all. I think we all learning from the past, you know, as we are learning from mistakes and we are learning from our choice in men and of course, you know, this all, learning.
I think going through life is simply also learning. We hope we are not making the same mistakes. I sometimes make the same mistakes 10 times, so I think it's different, some other people make the same mistake only once perhaps,
but yeah. I think, it's a matter of taste too. I think writing books is odd. It's like you're painting a picture and for some people it is different sort of dark romances and you say, yeah, this sort of dark romance, that was my thing. The other thing wasn't my thing,
and with meats anyway, I'm thinking with God in it, this is definitely a challenge, because it's. People who read dark romance don't expect to find Jesus in a book. It's like the same with the show. People who go in clubs where there is Satan worship, don't expect Jesus on stage suddenly, you don't expect Jesus, and he's in my books. This is, I think for some people perhaps strange or different but this is my message. My message is God comes to the broken characters.
He comes exactly to the characters. So I find Jesus fits perfectly dark romance. I mean other people, maybe you need to think out of the box a little bit too. You know, it's a strange thought perhaps for many people. So God, you know, but I think it's so, he, he goes in the dark clubs, you know, he fits.
He goes, why should he not go in the rock club? And I find, when I found God's power most, the most, he was so powerful. It was in the dark labs. It wasn't that he comes, his light, shines in the darkness. It shines the brightest, I've not met him like this at church.
I met Jesus in the dark clubs, you know, and it was so cool to see, his love for people, he is caring. He is like, yes, i'm here. I love you. I pick you up where you are. You know, you in the clubs, he comes in the clubs. God can speak to you through a dark romance too. You know, why not?
Kayla: One thing I love so much about this and I admire so much about you, is you are completely unapologetic about bringing together these two things that most people would scratch their heads about and say. What these two things do not match, but you have found so much beauty in both of them, and yeah, it sounds like you're unafraid to be fully you and love both of these things.
I would love to hear of you worried about any backlash or fear of judgment from your audience, either musically or with books, and how did you sort of tackle that?
Felsi: I had really nice feedback. I never had any feedback, which was like, and I asked my friend, you know, and she wasn't, she was not, didn't know Jesus and the, my Dark Romans author, friend, you know, and I was like, how is this coming across?
How is Jesus coming across in this book? It's this strange for you, or is this, you know, because I don't know, you know, I can't say this from my perspective, you know, because I bring him in and I think. It's awesome, you know? But I don't know how it comes across for someone. And I asked her, how, how did you, did you like Jesus in this?
You know, how was it? And she liked, she was, yeah, she liked him. She liked him in this book, you know, and I was so happy. This was the most important thing for me was like to find out how, how is God coming across, you know? You see to, can you relate? And she could. And that was, this was for me, I was, I was really happy.
And I have some, some, I have a few, I don't have so much feedback really, you know, I think people are. More help back, you know? So, but the feedback was really good. You know, it was, it was really, really, I mean, I had one, I have had had one review with like, bad English, not very relevant something, but yeah. I mean, but can I, I think my second book has improved.
You know, as you improve, with your writing, the more you write, the more you improve, that's what I would recommend to any author, to every author. Just keep going, don't get discouraged, and I think, of course, I'm sure there's people who think they didn't like it, but I have not had bad negative feedback, like when it comes to Jesus in my books which makes me really happy.
Yeah, that's amazing.
Kayla: And I think that that just goes to show. It's possible that if people are listening and they have these ideas that they feel are unconventional or maybe don't necessarily go together and they're worried about that feedback, they might be worrying about something that never happens and they might actually open their reader's mind and help them expand their worldview.
So I love that that was the result you get. And also just someone commenting on your English is. My humble opinion pretty lame because you wrote a book in, not one, but two languages, and you wrote a book, and this person has the audacity to critique your language when A, they probably haven't written a book, and B, they probably haven't written a book in two languages.
I'm just saying. So. Felsi, this has been such a powerful conversation. One thing I always get my guests to do is give the listener some kind of a challenge. So it can be a writing challenge, a journal prompt, something that you wanna give them to go and do after this episode.
Felsi: I would say, yeah, my challenge is simply, I mean, I would've many challenges, you know, but my main challenge is like,
just open your heart for God, you know, that's my challenge, wherever you stand and what I wanna tell the reader is also, what everyone in the books too is like, yes, open your heart try to have your heart a little bit open for God, you know, and no matter what other people have said, no matter your experiences, you know, because no matter what church people have said, or no matter what religious people have said, no matter whoever, just think it's you and Jesus and how you would, what would, what you would say to Jesus, you know, if it's just you and Him, and then imagine him, how he would look at you and how he, how happy he would look at you, you know, like how he loves you. You know how he, how happy he would be if you would say, Jesus, I give you a chance.
Kayla: Thank you so much. And if the listeners wanna connect more with you, find your books, what are the best places for them to do so?
Felsi: Yeah, definitely Instagram. You can find me on YouTube. Facebook and TikTok
you can basically find me everywhere. You can find me on all social media and. Yeah. Yeah. Just right. I everyone
Kayla: yeah. Thank you. Thank you for being here. And I'll include link to all.
