174. You Don’t Need More Willpower - You Need This Instead
174. You Don’t Need More Willpower - You Need This Instead
You don’t need more discipline. You don’t need to push harder. And you definitely don’t need to be perfect.
What you do need? A united will—a deep inner alignment between your desires, beliefs, emotions, and actions.
In this vulnerable, fiery comeback episode of The Embodied Warrior, I share:
Why relying on willpower alone keeps you stuck
What to do when your inner parts are at war
My personal pattern of self-sabotage (yep, including Popeyes and Crazy Bread 🙃)
How to collapse the timeline by leading through the mess—not after it
Plus: a powerful reframe on your cravings, your perfectionism, and your visionary path.
✨ This episode is also your invitation to join me inside The Power Portal, my two-day live experience designed to transmute your biggest food, body, and self-image struggles into embodied sovereignty.
🔥 Let’s move from force to flow, from shame to power, and from scattered energy to unstoppable alignment.
What You’ll Learn:
Why willpower alone doesn’t create lasting change
The emotional cost of perfectionism (and how to reparent the part that’s scared)
How to move from internal war to internal unity
Two transformational channels: releasing resistance & adding creative power
Why your cravings are not the enemy—they’re the invitation
Perfect For:
High-achieving women with big dreams and even bigger inner critics
Listeners who are tired of the binge-shame-repeat cycle
Creators and coaches who want to show up more authentically (even in the mess)
Links + Resources:
💥 Sign up for The Power Portal: https://www.embodiedwritingwarrior.com/powerportal
📝 Full transcript & journal prompts: https://www.embodiedwritingwarrior.com/podcast
🎙️ Patrick’s episode: 012 – How to Set Goals & Achieve Anything
Transcript
Welcome to another episode of The Embodied Warrior podcast. We're back after a couple of months off—a necessary hiatus for that season of life. And now? We’re back with a vengeance.
I have some fire episodes coming up. The commitment is returning to weekly shows, with the potential for a few extra episodes thrown in over the next couple of weeks as I get ready for an epic, two-day experience.
This is something I've had on my heart to create for months now, and we're doing it this July. It's called The Power Portal: Turn Cravings Into Clarity, and Self-Sabotage Into Sovereignty.
This is a live event that's going to turn your biggest blocks around food, weight, eating, and body image into gifts—into vehicles for transformation. This will allow you to step into your most powerful, confident self, the one who can shift your relationship with food and body image once and for all.
It's for the badass warrior women. The intense ones. The ones whose emotional depth feels overwhelming at times. The ones who charge headfirst into their goals. The ones who have big dreams, big goals, and know they could achieve them if they stopped expending so much energy trying to get their eating habits in order. It's for Type A, hard-charging women. It's for the ones who feel like their relationship with food is more dramatic than Days of Our Lives during its most chaotic, nonsensical plotlines.
I'm going to be giving you five power portals to move through, and my three-step process for creating incredible, embodied transformation in these areas. It's not just a class where I give you insights. It's an activation where you'll journal, experience an energetic clearing, and create a new experience in your body through dance.
You do NOT want to miss this. Attending live is going to be the most powerful, but since I know not everyone can attend live, a recording will be sent out. And if you watch the recording, I would encourage you to take two days—maybe a weekend—to do the classes over two days in a row so you get the full benefit, the full magic from the experience.
I'll include links to sign up in the episode description and in the transcript at embodiedwritingwarrior.com.
After going through the Power Portal, you're not going to need willpower to achieve those big dreams just waiting to be realized.
And that's good news.
In today's episode, I'm going to share:
Why you don't need more willpower to achieve your goals.
How overusing willpower can make progress and consistency more difficult.
What you need instead of willpower.
The two methods for creating more of what you need, so willpower is a nice bonus—but not required.
I'm also going to be doing something I don't do often because it is deeply uncomfortable.
I'm sharing how I'm leading myself through this process in my own life, in real time, during a messy season.
One of my limiting beliefs around creating content and showing up online is that I have to be perfect. Polished. Completely and fully on the other side of a personal struggle before I can talk about it.
And that's led to a lot of paralysis around creating content consistently. It's also led to less authenticity.
So, I'm going to use my own personal story as an example in this episode—as a way of showing what it looks like to apply these concepts in real time, to real life challenges—while also showing you: you're not alone. I've figured out a lot and I've learned a lot, AND I'm still learning right along with you. And that's okay.
Let's start with willpower.
This is David Goggins and Jocko Willink's lovechild. It's "do it anyway." It's doing it whether you want to or not.
Now, I still think there's a place for this. I do believe willpower is a muscle or a skill you can strengthen over time, and it IS worth strengthening.
I had to use a lot of willpower to finish my 100 reels challenge last year. I actually quit this challenge until I watched a video of David Goggins talking to Andrew Huberman. They were talking about the part of the brain that determines our level of willpower. They shared how, in people who diet, this part of the brain was bigger.
David Goggins shared that the only way to build willpower was to do things you don't feel like doing. If you're only doing things you feel like doing, you're not growing that willpower muscle.
This made me realize how little willpower I was building in my daily life at that time. I looked forward to most of the habits I'd become consistent with. And if I wanted more willpower—and honestly, who doesn't—I was going to have to do things I didn't feel like doing.
One of the most immediate things that came to mind was showing up on social media with a reel every single day.
So, I did it. And I did it 100 times.
Did this build willpower? Probably. But did it translate to consistent social media content after the fact? No. I still don't consistently post. And I also used SO much willpower for this challenge that it tooks weeks, maybe months, before I could even stomach the idea of posting another piece of content online.
It's just like people who can sign up for a six-week workout challenge or maybe pull off 75 Hard using willpower. But how likely are they to continue with those habits once the challenge is over if they were relying on willpower alone? I'm going to guess, not very likely.
And maybe you've had an experience like this, where you've used a lot of willpower temporarily, and it worked. But then, you did the thing, used the willpower, and nothing changed over the long term.
Here are the key problems that arise from relying on willpower alone:
Willpower is a temporary override system. Again, you can use it in bursts or for temporary challenges, but it probably isn't going to work over the long term.
It often comes from force, shame, urgency, or fear. The definition of willpower is literally, doing something you don't WANT to do. Then, you have to force yourself. And why are you forcing yourself? Maybe it's because you don't feel good enough unless you conquer this thing. Maybe you're scared of what will happen if you don't start working out or changing your eating habits.
Willpower is also an unreliable resource. You've probably noticed this—you have a LOT of willpower when you're well-rested, when life is relatively peaceful, and things are going well. But... what happens when life gets messy, stressful, overwhelming? What about when you're tired, overstimulated, pulled in many different directions? You're probably going to have to use your willpower for survival, versus allocating it towards building new habits or routines.
Willpower also can’t last when your internal parts are at war. If you're using willpower for everything, it's like playing tug of war on both sides of the rope. You're not going to get anywhere because you're at war with yourself.
And this is where trying to rely on willpower alone can actually do more harm than good.
It's going to deplete your energy. It's going to deepen your internal battle, which means you're going to have more anxiety, more stress, more fear. And when you're experiencing these negative emotions and trying to use willpower to push through these emotions and STILL do the thing... that's a recipe for burnout. That's a recipe for the "F-it" moments where you abandon the goal altogether.
These are just some of the biggest challenges that come from relying on willpower alone. And if you're in a season of stress, chaos, overwhelm, inconsistency, and you think willpower is the answer—but your pursuit of willing and forcing your way into change isn't working... you're going to want to focus on something else altogether.
So... what is this something else?
Instead of willpower, you want an undivided will. A united will. This is a term I first heard from Carolyn Lovewell, the author of Existential Kink, and it's lived rent-free in my head ever since. When you have a united will, willpower will either flow naturally as a bonus—or become unnecessary altogether.
And what is a united will?
When you have a united will, your desire, actions, beliefs, emotions, and energy are moving together. Everything is flowing towards the same goal, the same purpose.
There's no more conflicting desires and goals. Before uniting our will, we'll often have some parts that are pulling us towards safety and security, while other parts are pulling us towards growth and expansion. Once you unite your will and create a reality where you can feel SAFE to expand and grow, you stop playing tug of war on both sides of the rope, and suddenly have a harmonized, coherent team where every part of you is working together. And if every part of you is working together and wants the same thing, why would you even need willpower?
When you have to rely on a lot of willpower, you're probably going to have an oscillating relationship with progress. This is where you force your way into progress using willpower, but eventually, inner resistance becomes stronger than your willpower, and you take a few steps backward.
When you have a united will, you're in a flow state. You've released the resistance that forced you to rely on willpower in the first place, and now you can move towards your goal more smoothly.
Okay, so you want a united will. You want to be in this flow state. And there's two methods or two channels for getting here. This next part is something I was reminded of from my Inner Coach community. I first took the Inner Coach certification back in 2021 and it changed my life, changed the way I coach, so when my mentor, Patrick Dominguez, opened the second round this year, I jumped on the chance to deepen into these skills.
Little side note - I had Patrick on the show way back when, and it was one of my most popular episodes. I'll link it in the show notes for you if you're new and want to hear from an absolute magician.
In a recent class, Patrick talked about the two ways you can transform a stuck or oscillating relationship with progress into a flow state:
1. Release resistance.
Resistance can show up as:
The emotions we’re trying to avoid feeling
Limiting beliefs
Old patterns and the weight or meaning we give those patterns
Different parts of our psyche that surface in certain situations
Maybe your Inner Critic shows up and triggers procrastination whenever you think about creating art. Maybe your People Pleaser says yes to everything except your own priorities. Resistance often speaks through these parts—and they all want to protect you, even if their strategies are a little outdated.
In my own life, there’s one part that shows up in a very specific situation.
Here’s the raw truth: I’ve gotten REALLY good at navigating 95% of my life without turning to food. I’ve gone months without binge eating. I’ve felt every emotion—grief, anger, sadness, fear—without numbing out. I’ve created new coping strategies. I’ve healed so much of what used to be the most debilitating pattern I had.
And yet—every time I decide to fully show up online and offer something? That compulsion comes roaring back.
It’s not a coincidence. The moment I decide, this is the season to go all-in, my eating habits change. Case in point: the last weekend I had. Crazy Bread on Friday, McDonald’s on Saturday, Popeyes on Sunday. Yes, these were busy days with social events and open houses, but I’ve had days like that before and stayed aligned.
This pattern isn’t about the food—it’s about protection.
There’s a perfectionist part of me that believes: If I show up perfectly, I’ll be beyond criticism. If I’m beyond criticism, I’ll be safe.
She’s not bad , this perfectionist. She just wants safety.
And her misguided strategy is to sabotage my energy and focus. “Let’s distract ourselves with food,” she says, “so we can’t show up fully, so we don’t risk getting hurt.”
Then I end up solving the same food issue again and again, instead of creating the thing I’m meant to bring into the world.
But now? I’m doing something different.
I’m podcasting through the pattern—not after. I’m showing up the morning after Popeyes, a little less energized than usual, and I’m recording anyway.
This is me collapsing the timeline.
I’m telling that perfectionist part, “Thank you. I see how you want to protect me. But showing up messy is safe now. You don’t have to keep us small.”
Because honestly? You don’t need the perfect version of me. You need the real one. The one who gets it. The one who walks with you.
So, there's my personal, vulnerable share, and now I want to bring it back to you - what parts are getting in the way of your momentum? What emotions are you trying to avoid feeling? Maybe you want to take some time to journal about this. I'll include a few prompts for you over on my website, and it'll be linked in the description.
That’s the first path: releasing resistance.
The second path:
2. Add creative power.
Once you’ve cleared the resistance, now it’s time to turn up the heat. You want to tap into creative momentum. Here are a few ways I love doing this:
Routines and rituals. When something becomes second nature, it takes less effort. You’re building power through consistency. The compound effect starts kicking in.
Archetypal embodiment. For me, it’s the Warrior Queen, it's activating this part of myself. She doesn’t wait to be perfect. She leads while healing. She builds the business inside the fire. She says: “Even badass warriors lose battles. But they don’t lose the war—because they keep showing up.” She lets transformation happen in public. She doesn’t wait to be shiny and polished. She’s in the arena now.
And I truly believe that’s why this food wobble happened now. Because I’m not meant to do it the old way. I’m meant to lead differently. Not “heal first, lead later”—but “lead through it, so other women can see how it's done.”
Tap into your bigger vision. Make your dream bigger than the discomfort. So exciting, so expansive, that you’re willing to sacrifice certainty. Willing to let go of old habits. Willing to trade the short-term thrill of staying small for the long-term magic of becoming legendary.
And yes, you are meant to be legendary.
You wouldn't be listening to a podcast called Embodied Warrior if you weren't.
But first—you have to admit it.
Admit your dreams are big. Admit you want to change your life—and the lives of others. Admit that you’re here for more.
When your vision expands, your old coping mechanisms start to shrink.
So let’s recap:
Willpower is cute. But a united will? That’s everything.
To get there:
Release resistance. Get your inner team on the same side.
Add creative power. Move from desire, not deficiency.
When all parts of you are working together, willpower becomes irrelevant. You move from force to flow.
If this episode spoke to you, this is exactly what we’re doing in The Power Portal. We’re going to do the work energetically. We’ll rewire beliefs. We’ll embody the shift through dance. We’ll align your head, heart, body, and spirit.
It’s going to be magic.
You can sign up at embodiedwritingwarrior.com or through the link in the description.
Until next time—unite your will. Lead in real time. And go create your own kind of legendary.
You've got this.
Journal Prompts
What’s something you’ve been relying on willpower to “fix” in your life?
If you could speak directly to your Inner Perfectionist, what would you say to her?
What part of you gets activated when you move toward a big goal? What is that part trying to protect you from?
When have you tried to “push through” a block rather than releasing resistance?
What might it look like to lead in real time, before you feel fully ready?
What archetype do you want to embody more of right now (Warrior Queen, Inner Magician, etc.)?
What dream feels so exciting that you’d be willing to sacrifice short-term comfort for it?
What would your united will feel like in your body?
Where in your life are you ready to collapse the timeline?
How would it feel to show up messy, imperfect, and still magical?
